How to Deal With a Passive Aggressive Boss: A Guide for Employees

Having a passive aggressive boss can be incredibly frustrating, Their indirect hostility and avoidance of direct communication makes it hard to address issues head on,

As an employee, it often feels like you’re walking on eggshells trying not to set off your boss. At the same time, their subtle digs and snide comments leave you feeling disrespected.

Dealing with this dynamic on a daily basis takes a toll both professionally and personally. So what’s an employee to do?

While you can’t change your boss, you can change how you respond to them. With the right strategies, you can take control and turn an unhealthy dynamic into a more positive one.

Here are some tips for dealing with a passive aggressive supervisor:

Identify Their Go-To Behaviors

The first step is tuning into the specific passive aggressive tactics your boss relies on. Some common ones include:

• Withholding information – Not informing you about things you need to know to do your job well.

• Delayed responding – Taking way longer to respond to your emails/requests than necessary.

• Sabotage – Purposefully obstructing your work through actions like denying reasonable requests.

• Sarcasm – Making cutting remarks disguised as jokes. Laughing something off when confronted.

• Backhanded compliments – Offering praise that undermines you at the same time. For example: “Good job on that report. I didn’t think you had it in you!”

• Victim act – Acting hurt or offended when issues are raised to avoid accountability.

Once you identify patterns, you’ll be better prepared to handle them.

Take the High Road

As frustrating as it is, avoid stooping to their level. Passive aggression often stems from lack of emotional intelligence. Firing back passive aggressively, getting visibly upset, or lashing out will only escalate the situation.

Stay composed and take the high road by:

• Being direct yet polite when addressing issues
• Using “I” statements vs. blameful “you” statements
• Sticking to facts vs. emotions or accusations
• Documenting everything in case you need to involve HR down the road

Over-Communicate as Necessary

With a passive aggressive supervisor, assumptions can become landmines. Eliminate assumptions through over-communication.

Send follow up emails after every verbal conversation summarizing what was discussed and the next steps agreed upon. Ask clarifying questions if anything is vague or unclear.

Before big presentations or deliverables, proactively ask if they need anything else from you. Don’t rely on them to provide direction – solicit it directly to prevent sabotage.

Put Everything in Writing

Passive aggressive people tend to have “selective memories” regarding conversations and agreements.

Combat this by keeping a written record of all directives, feedback given, and approvals obtained. Email provides documentation you can refer back to later if memory becomes “fuzzy”.

Taking notes during one-on-one meetings can also be wise. Simply say you want to document the discussion to ensure you follow through on everything correctly.

Create a Paper Trail

If your boss makes unreasonable demands or sets vague expectations, create a paper trail.

Reply to vague verbal directives with a follow up email: “Just to confirm, you’d like me to have the report completed by Friday without any data from the Smith account, correct?”

If they counter previous guidance, document it: “On Monday you approved including the cost analysis, but today you directed me to remove it. Can you clarify what changed?”

This shows you made every effort to align with shifting demands. It also forces them to articulate contradictions.

Share Your Concerns

If passive aggressive issues persist despite your best efforts, don’t suffer in silence.

Politely raise concerns with your boss directly first. Use “I” statements to explain how the behaviors impact you and make it hard to do your best work.

If speaking up doesn’t improve the situation, talk to HR. Give concrete examples of how you’re being treated unfairly or set up for failure.

Passive aggression thrives in the dark. Exposing the behaviors initiates change.

While dealing with a passive aggressive supervisor isn’t easy, setting healthy boundaries protects your self-worth and professional growth. With the right tools, you can overcome their manipulative tactics.

The situation may not change overnight, but consistent advocacy for yourself establishes you won’t contribute to an unhealthy dynamic. Most importantly, avoid internalizing their issues. How they treat you is a reflection of their limitations – not yours.