When I tell people what I do for a living, they often respond, “My boss needs your help – they are a complete psycho.”
In reality, that’s probably not true: Psychopathy in the general population is around 1 in 100. The chances that your Network Systems Manager at the data center is a psychopath are pretty unlikely. But if you are working for someone who behaves in a bullying, combative, or otherwise toxic way, the impact on you can be devastating.
So what can you do about it? Here are some suggestions that can help you cope with a bad boss.
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Having a bad boss can really derail your career progress and mental well-being. But it doesn’t have to spell doom. With the right strategies you can not only survive but actually thrive under bad bosses. In this comprehensive guide, we provide actionable tips on how to manage up and protect yourself when working with difficult managers.
Defining a Bad Boss – Don’t Confuse Tough with Toxic!
First, let’s be clear on what constitutes a truly bad boss. Many bosses are demanding, short-tempered, or micromanaging simply because of the intense pressure and responsibilities on their shoulders. While tough to handle, they aren’t necessarily “bad.”
Here are a few key signs you have a toxic, bad boss rather than just a tough one:
- Regularly demeans, belittles, or bullies subordinates
- Unfairly denies promotions or development opportunities
- Often yells, publicly berates or humiliates workers
- Pits employees against each other or stirs up conflict
- Habitually takes credit for others’ work and ideas
- Major mood swings and unpredictable reactions
- Impossible to please, constantly shifting expectations
- Major leadership flaws, lack of integrity, dishonesty
If your boss exhibits many of these behaviors, you likely have a truly bad boss making your work life miserable, not just a demanding but well-intentioned one.
Maintaining a Professional Mindset
When facing bad boss behavior it’s crucial to maintain perspective and professionalism. Avoid succumbing to the temptation to retaliate or sink to their level.
Remind yourself that this is just a job – it’s not your whole life. Maintain work-life balance through hobbies, friends, family.
Vent constructively to sympathize with co-workers, but avoid constant complaining or gossiping. Document everything to protect yourself legally if needed.
Unless abuse is extreme, avoid quitting hastily. Have a job lined up, and plan a smooth exit.
Assessing Motivations to Better Cope
Take time to honestly assess what motivates your bad boss. Understanding their likely perspectives can help you cope more effectively:
- Do they feel threatened by skilled subordinates?
- Are they under intense pressure from their own bosses?
- Does their behavior reflect deeper personality issues or disorders?
- Are they just a terrible communicator under stress?
- Are they clueless that their actions have consequences?
While these roots don’t excuse their behavior, recognizing them can help you empathize and interact more strategically.
Protecting Yourself and Your Work
Don’t let a bad boss derail your solid job performance or career progression:
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Build support networks with other teams, and keep supervisors informed of your projects.
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Hold your boss accountable in writing by summarizing directives/feedback received in emails.
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If overloaded unfairly, push back professionally and cite your other priorities and responsibilities.
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Keep emotion out of conflicts, stick to facts, and document unreasonable directives.
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Don’t isolate yourself. Increase face time with leaders who appreciate your work.
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If truly abused, report to HR with documentation or discreetly find a new job.
Staying Ahead of Volatile Behavior
With an especially volatile or vindictive boss, it’s wise to play defense and stay two steps ahead:
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Build goodwill and strong relationships with peers and leaders across the company.
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Keep your resume polished and network updated in case a sudden exit becomes necessary.
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Don’t share sensitive personal information that they could use against you when upset.
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Keep written records of abusive interactions in case you need evidence.
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Proactively give them status updates before they ask to avoid surprising them.
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Suggest solutions, not just problems, so you’re seen as someone fixing issues.
Establishing Boundaries Respectfully
Protect your time and sanity by setting firm boundaries with an overbearing boss:
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If constantly interrupted, politely ask to discuss urgent needs during scheduled daily check-ins.
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Don’t answer texts or calls at night, weekends, or during vacations unless truly urgent.
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If given unrealistic deadlines, calmly explain why more time is needed to maintain quality.
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Decline last-minute meeting invites if you have other priorities already scheduled.
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Push back on excessive extra duties added to your workload that interfere with core goals.
Adjusting Communication Strategies
To limit conflicts and miscommunications, adjust how you interact with difficult bosses:
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Mirror their preferred communication style (email vs in-person, etc).
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Repeat their directives back to confirm understanding.
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Break big requests into staged milestones to avoid overwhelming them.
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Frame requests positively – “I’d like to brainstorm ideas to improve our process” vs “Your process isn’t working.”
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Ask clarifying questions rather than assuming you understand their vague instructions.
Choosing Your Battles Wisely
With an impossible-to-please boss, avoid endlessly trying to win their approval:
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Only engage in battles truly worth fighting rather than nitpicking every grumble.
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If they frequently move goal posts, do what you can to reasonably meet their needs, then let it go.
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Focus energy on your own career development and job performance, not their validation.
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Vent to other empathetic colleagues to keep your frustration in check.
Knowing When to Go Above Their Head
In extreme circumstances of abuse or major incompetence, it may be necessary to discreetly report bad boss behaviors to their superiors or HR. Tread carefully and only as a last resort.
Be sure you have extensive documentation of abusive incidents. Focus reports on facts, not speculation. Avoid seeming entitled or whiny.
Gauge whether their superiors are aware and likely to take action. Determine if HR has handled similar complaints seriously.
Time reports strategically. Don’t wait until completely burned out but don’t run to tattle over minor issues either.
Have a backup plan in case of retaliation. Going over a volatile boss’ head could end badly.
Leading from Below
Rather than waiting for an incompetent boss to provide direction, proactively step up to fill leadership gaps on your team:
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Rally and motivate teammates to focus on accomplishments, not just boss complaints.
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Develop structures and plans that account for your boss’s weak areas or lack of direction.
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Step forward as project lead on initiatives where your strengths counter your boss’s flaws.
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Continue cultivating relationships and visibility with other departments’ leaders.
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Document your leadership contributions and results achieved in case your boss tries to deny them.
Making a Clean Break
If sufficiently toxic, even the most proactive coping strategies may fail, leaving you no choice but to cut ties. Make your transition as graceful as possible:
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Line up a new job before formally resigning to avoid gaps or desperation.
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Write a simple, professional resignation letter without airing grievances.
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Offer to help document procedures and train replacements to ease the transition.
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Don’t badmouth your boss – take the high road. Instead, focus on your excitement about new opportunities.
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Make a clean break. Avoid getting sucked into post-departure drama and complaints.
Key Takeaways on Surviving Bad Bosses
Dealing with bad bosses can be exhausting and frustrating. But utilizing these tips can help safeguard your success, mental health, and career progression, even in the most toxic environments:
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Differentiate demanding from abusive, and respond professionally.
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Understand their motivations and flaws without excusing their behaviors.
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Protect your work and advancement through proactive communication and documentation.
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Set firm boundaries around your time while meeting reasonable expectations.
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Make sure your skills and contributions are visible to others.
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Address extreme issues discreetly but strategically only as a last resort.
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Lead from below when your boss won’t – fill the gaps in direction.
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Plan a careful transition out when all strategies fail or abuse is intolerable.
While an awful boss can make work miserable, they don’t have to ruin your job or career. Stay focused, protect yourself, lean on your support system, and don’t let their deficiencies define you!
Keep detailed records
If you find yourself the target of inappropriate or abusive behavior, keep detailed, accurate records – and don’t embellish.
There may come a point when you are asked to corroborate a complaint – either your own or someone else’s. Either way, your ability to make concrete, detailed references to your personal experiences will significantly support your case.
Vague references, unsubstantiated anecdotes, hearsay, or third-party opinions do little to move a complaint forward. Proving a pattern of toxic behavior through verifiable documentation will strengthen your case. Without detailed and accurate records, you are unlikely to get very far.
Do the work: Don’t be a target
If you decide to stay, avoid being a target – or by extension, a victim. You might think that means keeping your head down and staying out of trouble (which can be necessary), but it can also mean just the opposite. Do your work – and do it well. Consider going as far as you can to help your boss succeed (but that doesnt mean you have to suck up to them). It will make you less of a target, and others will notice your professionalism despite poor leadership -and trust me, you won’t be the only one to notice that.
Yes, you might help your boss appear better in the eyes of his/her superiors, and maybe they’ll even get promoted as a result. But if they get promoted away from you, that may not be such a bad thing.
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How to Deal With a Toxic Boss Without Quitting | Do These 3 Things | Advice from Engineering Manager
Are You dealing with a bad boss?
Finding enjoyment in your work and being able to work as a team with your colleagues and supervisors is important. When you don’t get along with a supervisor, you may find it challenging to enjoy your work. Here are the signs that you’re dealing with a bad boss: They’re insecure.
How do you deal with a difficult boss?
To learn how to deal with a difficult boss, you need to pinpoint what makes them so hard to work with. “I first like to identify whether a boss is difficult to work with because of their personality or their work style,” says Eloïse Eonnet, Muse career coach and founder of Eloquence.
Is your boss difficult to work with?
It’s not just an impression; a boss who is difficult to work with on a daily basis can really have a negative impact on its employees. “If nothing changes, it builds a sense of overwhelm or stress over time that directly impacts our ability to do good work and feel confident in our daily lives,” Eonnet says.
How do you deal with a controlling boss?
Controlling bosses come across as authoritative: it’s their way or the highway. They feel they have the right to dictate and would never think of asking an employee for input. Do your best to ignore the controlling behaviors and focus on doing the best job you can. Apply the following principles when dealing with a controlling boss:
