You step into the pantry and see a colleague. You’re stumped. You almost want to turn around and walk out, but you know that will be too rude.
Or you’ve just walked into the meeting room. Everyone is having a conversation in their group. Laughing. Smiling to each other. Whispering.
There’s a shiver that runs down your back as you wonder how best to fit in.
You slowly wonder if you should just leave. Anyway, it looks like no one would really care.
The struggle to fit in at work can be one of the most painful, and difficult experiences to work through. At work, we long for three things.
But before we jump into how to handle this struggle to fit in, it may be worth thinking about why this happens.
During my first full-time job, I never knew why it seemed so difficult for me to fit. During my probation review, my boss told me that she’d heard feedback about how I was not eating with my colleagues.
Feeling like an outsider at your workplace? You’re not alone. Many employees struggle to fit in with their company’s culture or feel disconnected from their coworkers. Not fitting in can negatively impact your job satisfaction, performance, and mental health.
But how do you know if you truly don’t fit in versus just having a case of the new job jitters? Here are 15 common signs that you may not be a good match for your current work environment
1. You dread going to work
If you find yourself hitting the snooze button multiple times or having Sunday night anxiety, this is a red flag. While no one loves every single day at the office, you shouldn’t loathe the thought of going to work.
2. You feel like an imposter
Despite being qualified for your role, you constantly doubt yourself and your abilities. You may feel like you slipped through the cracks in hiring. This could mean you aren’t playing to your strengths.
3. You’re left out of social events
Your coworkers regularly get together for happy hours, parties, or other social functions without including you. Thisexclusion hints that you’re not part of the gang.
4. No one laughs at your jokes
Your wit falls flat with colleagues. Humor can be subjective, but if you continually get crickets after cracking jokes, your sensibilities likely don’t align with others. This disconnect can make it hard to build rapport.
5. You’re on a different wavelength
From political views to taste in music, you have little in common with coworkers. Mismatched personalities and interests prevent you from connecting. You end up feeling isolated.
6. You constantly clash with colleagues
You have frequent conflicts and miscommunications because of differing work styles and priorities Personality mismatches lead to friction,
7. You eat lunch alone
Most days you end up scarfing down a sad desk lunch because no one invites you along to lunch outings. This solitary mealtime signals your outsider status.
8. You’re left off email chains
Despite needing to be looped in, coworkers leave you off relevant email threads. This omission suggests they don’t consider you part of the team.
9. Your boss seems annoyed by you
Even when you try your best, your manager seems irritated or impatient. This tension could mean your work styles don’t mesh well.
10. You’re overlooked for opportunities
Exciting assignments promotions and training opportunities rarely come your way. Being passed over time and again indicates you don’t fit into future plans.
11. You’re the office scapegoat
Mistakes always get pinned on you, even when they’re not your fault. Similarly, you get called out for behavior that slides for other employees. This unequal treatment screams that you’re not part of the in-crowd.
12. You change your behavior to fit in
You find yourself forcing laughter at unfunny jokes or nodding along with opinions you disagree with. Masking your true self to gain acceptance takes a toll.
13. You have no mentors
While other employees have nurtured mentorships, no one has taken an interest in advising you. The lack of guidance suggests you don’t belong.
14. You’re left off important emails
Coworkers chat and email privately right in front of you. This secrecy implies they want to keep you out of the loop.
15. You have zero affinity for the mission
If the company’s values, goals, and purpose leave you cold, this fundamental disconnect will prevent you from fitting in. You’ll never be invested.
If several of the above signs ring true, you likely don’t fit your current workplace. But don’t panic yet. You have options to try salvaging the situation:
Open up. Let your manager know you want to integrate better and ask for advice. Perhaps you just need to get out of your shell more.
Find an ally. Bond with a sympathetic coworker who can give you tips, include you, and have your back.
Speak up. Voice your needs, whether it’s a different management style or more team-building activities.
Take the initiative. Volunteer for high-profile assignments and collaborative projects. This visibility can help you fit in.
Suggest solutions. Recommend ways to improve communication and collaboration between departments or employees.
Learn unwritten rules. Observe how things really work to avoid missteps. Decipher the dress code, unspoken hierarchies, and norms.
Join a work group. Sign up for a fun work committee or employee resource group focused on a cause you care about. It’s an instant way to connect.
If you try these tactics in earnest and still feel like a fish out of water, it may be time to find a new environment where you can thrive. Don’t force an uncomfortable work situation—it will only breed resentment and stifle your career. Be willing to cut ties for your own well-being.
The right organizational culture makes all the difference. Seek out an employer with a purpose and community that resonates. There, you can finally fit in, contribute meaningfully, and unleash your full potential. Don’t settle for less.
Build stronger relationships with smaller groups
When I asked Grace Teo-Dixon, a lecturer at the Singapore University of Technology and Design about how introverts could socialise in the workplace, she laughed and said,
Take time to go for lunches with two or three people, rather than in a large group of 5 or 6. It may help better.
But more importantly, connect to the nodes
Knowing where the nodes are will keep you well-connected in the company, so that they can introduce you to others, and help you smoothen the frictions that occur.
Not Fitting in at Work – Here’s what you can do…
Do all jobs fit you the same way?
If you have a few jobs throughout your career, you may discover that not all of them fit you the same way. If the environment isn’t toxic, and you like the work you’re doing, it may not even be a big deal—or at least, you don’t have to make it a big deal. Sometimes, you can force yourself into a circle.
Do you feel like you fit in at work?
If you don’t feel like you fit in at work don’t worry, we will go over what to do to fit in better and give reasons why you might think that way. When trying to fit in at work you should identify the problem and know if it is you or your coworkers that are the issue.
How do you know if you don’t fit in at work?
Here are some signs that you don’t fit in at work: Your co-workers make you feel different: While it’s fine to have interests and hobbies that are different than the people on your team, if you feel that you are being judged, it can make it difficult to develop a genuine connection with the people you work with.
Do you feel comfortable in the workplace if you don’t fit in?
The awkwardness, the cliques, the struggle of who to sit with at lunch – when you don’t fit in at work, it might feel like you were transported back to high school. But no matter how much we insist other people’s opinions don’t matter, experts agree that feelings of comfort and acceptance in the workplace aren’t trivial.
