You tend to think of yourself as a likable person. You pride yourself on being pretty easy to work with. Your workdays are generally free of conflict and ruffled feathers, and you’ve even been complimented on your congeniality before.
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So, imagine your surprise when it becomes obvious to you that the person in the next cubicle over seems to absolutely detest you. He sighs or rolls his eyes when it’s your turn to share your ideas. He appears agitated when you speak up in meetings. And when it’s just the two of you waiting for an elevator, he decides to walk down the stairs—all 14 flights. For all intents and purposes, he seems to be actively working against you.
Well, what’s going on? To your knowledge, you haven’t done anything to upset him. So, why has he made it his personal mission to make your working relationship as difficult as possible—and how can you make him your best friend?
You can’t. Yes, it’s human nature to want to be well-liked. But, we all know that an office where everybody gets along perfectly is a total fantasy. However, learning to work effectively with people—even when they aren’t your biggest fans—is crucial.
So, here are some steps you can put into play in order to deal with that co-worker who seems to hate your guts. Spoiler alert: They don’t include screaming or a dramatic confrontation.
Having coworkers who seem to dislike you can be stressful and impact your work experience. But there are proactive steps you can take to improve these relationships. This guide covers strategies to professionally handle coworkers that don’t seem to like you with tips for HR professionals to foster positive work dynamics.
Common Causes of Personality Clashes
There are various reasons coworkers may dislike or not get along with others including
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Differing work styles – For example, one person prefers structure and consistency while another thrives on improvisation and creativity. These work style differences can lead to friction.
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Competing priorities – Coworkers with conflicting work agendas or views on resource allocation may experience personality clashes.
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Power struggles – If there’s competition for promotions, plum assignments, etc. it can strain relationships between coworkers.
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Value differences – Divergent work ethics, communication styles, or approaches to collaboration may make it hard to find common ground.
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Enviousness – If one coworker perceives another as more successful, popular, or favored by leadership, jealousy can occur.
Signs a Coworker May Dislike You
If experiencing any of these dynamics with a colleague, they may have grown to dislike you:
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Avoids eye contact and seems uncomfortable around you.
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Reluctant to collaborate or share information with you.
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Excluded from social interactions or informal peer activities.
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Feels competitive or threatened by your ideas and successes.
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Gossips or makes negative comments about you to others.
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Tries to undermine you or your contributions.
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Gives you the silent treatment and only engages minimally.
Professional Etiquette with Coworkers
Regardless of interpersonal dynamics, behaving professionally is always key. Some tips:
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Maintain composure – Never let a coworker make you lose your cool or stoop to unprofessional behavior. Take the high road.
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Direct communication – If problems arise, speak respectfully 1:1 vs escalating publicly or through gossip.
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Positivity – Counter any negativity from a difficult coworker with optimism and professionalism.
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Patience and empathy – Try to understand their perspective and motivations before judging them.
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Rise above – Focus energy on your own work vs. getting caught up in petty dramas or politics.
Strategies to Improve Relationships
With consistent effort, many tense coworker relationships can improve over time. Consider these tactics:
Find Common Ground
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Identify shared interests, values, or concerns to build rapport.
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Bond over non-work topics that are less emotionally charged.
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Communicate you want to have a productive working relationship.
Demonstrate Reliability
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Follow through reliably and avoid letting personal feelings influence your accountability to them as a colleague.
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Provide support or assistance proactively without expecting reciprocation.
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Share insights and information freely to model good teamwork.
Use Empathy
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Have one-on-one informal chats to learn what makes them tick, share about yourself, and find shared perspectives.
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Reflect on their point of view – don’t make assumptions.
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If tensions escalate, politely disengage and revisit the issue later in a calm discussion.
Control Reactions
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Bite your tongue rather than responding in the heat of the moment if provoked or upset.
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Raise concerns privately vs publicly calling them out or complaining to others.
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Don’t take disagreements personally – focus on facts vs. emotions or value judgments.
Seeing Things from Their Perspective
Consider that a difficult coworker may be acting that way for their own underlying reasons, such as:
- Self-esteem issues
- Lacking social awareness or emotional intelligence
- Overwhelmed with personal problems
- Struggling with mental health or mood disorders
- Feeling insecure about their job performance
- Dealing with illness, grief, or stress
While their behavior may still feel unfair or disruptive to manage, remembering they have inner challenges you’re not privy to can make it easier to empathize and take the high road.
HR Strategies to Improve Workplace Dynamics
HR plays an instrumental role in fostering positive and collaborative work cultures. Here are some ways to proactively address strained coworker relationships company-wide:
Trainings
- Offer workshops on emotional intelligence, conflict resolution, communication tactics, and workplace etiquette.
Team Building
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Facilitate team building activities to break down barriers between colleagues.
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Rotate team members to foster understanding of different roles.
Feedback Channels
- Create anonymous feedback channels to surface issues early before tensions escalate.
Modeling Culture
- Ensure leaders exemplify and promote cooperative, inclusive behavior.
Policies
- Establish and enforce anti-bullying and antidiscrimination policies.
Mediation
- If tensions escalate, mediate disputes and insist on mutually respectful interaction.
Awareness Campaigns
- Run respectful workplace campaigns with clear expected behaviors.
Key Takeaways
Having coworkers that dislike you can make for an unpleasant and unproductive work environment. Keep these tips in mind to turn things around:
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Take the high road and always act professionally.
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Have empathy and patience – don’t make assumptions.
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Find common interests and demonstrate reliability.
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Communicate respectfully one-on-one when issues arise.
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Consider their inner motivations and perspective.
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Enlist HR’s help to promote positive workplace relationships and dynamics.
With consistent kindness and maturity, many strained coworker relationships can gradually improve over time. Model the behaviors you wish to see, take the high road, and focus on the positive.
Decide Your Course of Action
Next, it’s time to decide whether or not your office tension requires further action. Is it something you need to talk over? Or, is better off just being left alone?
If your co-worker’s distaste is limited to a few smug smirks and subtle eye rolls, you’re probably better off letting it go and moving on. Sometimes confronting your colleague can actually just feed the tension and lead to an even more strained relationship.
However, if your co-worker’s blatant dislike is impeding your ability to produce great work (or if she has a dartboard with your face on it), you might need to take action in order to clear the air. When you and your co-worker are alone, start with something simple like, “I sense some tension between us, and I want to make sure we can collaborate to do our best on this project. Is there something I’m doing that bothers you?”
Perhaps you really are doing something that rubs your co-worker the wrong way—and you weren’t even aware until it was pointed out to you. Or, maybe he or she is just impossible to win over. Either way, you’ll know you tried your best to defuse the situation on your own.
But, if your relationship reaches the point where it’s completely counterproductive, it might be time for you to call in some reinforcements and escalate the issue. If necessary, approach your manager in order to explain the problems you’re facing—as well as how these troubles are a hindrance on your performance. Then, the ball is out of your court and your supervisor can decide how to best handle the situation. Sometimes, you just can’t keep the problem between the two of you—no matter how hard you try.
Take a Step Back
When finding out that someone in your office doesn’t like you, your first inclination might be to obsess over your relationship until you get some answers. What does he or she have against you? Did you do something offensive? Everybody likes you—what’s her problem?
But, as tempting as that analysis might be, it’s best if you step back and take a deep breath rather than immediately springing into action. Of course, nobody can blame you for wanting to make sense of the situation. However, it’s important to realize that people’s feelings aren’t always logical. So, the reasoning behind this person’s distaste for you just might never make sense.
Yes, it’d be great if absolutely everybody liked you. But, you already know that it’s just not realistic. Remember, even Mother Teresa had her fair share of negativity and criticism lodged against her.
So, the best thing you can do for your own sanity and professionalism is to just accept that this person will never be starting up a fan club in your honor. You’ll need to find ways to collaborate together on work projects without heated arguments and tons of uncomfortable tension. But, there’s no law stating that you need to be best buddies outside of the office.
The quicker you can come to terms with your co-worker’s dislike, the better off you’ll be. After all, your focus should be on producing great work—not on changing his or her mind about you.
My Coworkers Don’t Like Me
How do you deal with co-workers that dislike you?
Maintaining a cordial and respectful relationship is best practice for dealing with co-workers that dislike you. Minimizing interactions is a reasonable idea, but don’t make too big a deal of avoiding this colleague. Part of maintaining respect is not only respecting them, but respecting yourself.
How do you deal with a co-worker?
Try to limit interactions. While it’s not always possible to completely avoid a co-worker, you can strive to keep interactions as infrequent as possible. Simply avoiding interaction is probably the easiest way to cope. Some interactions are probably unavoidable, especially if you two work together directly.
How to avoid a coworker you don’t like?
Otherwise, figure out how to avoid a coworker you don’t like so you won’t see them during the day, especially one-on-one: Don’t volunteer to work on projects where your cooperation is essential. Decline invitations to extracurricular activities you know they will attend.
Do you hate your coworkers?
That’s how you can feel when you drive to work, gritting your teeth and chanting the mantra, “I hate my coworkers.” You probably don’t hate all of them. And if you do, don’t worry; you’re not alone. In a survey by Quality Logo Products, 57% of workers say they hate a coworker so much that they have thought about looking for another job.
