For empathetic managers and people ops professionals, breaking the news that an internal candidate didnât get a promotion can be particularly challenging. And to try and make it easier, they may default to being vague, glossing over issues, or sidestepping the conversation altogether.
âBut avoiding difficult conversations creates resentment and leaves team members confused and uninformed. It wonât help them improve in the short term or be promoted in the future. And when employees themselves report that receiving managerial feedback significantly increases trust in their employers,* itâs clear that honest communication is central to supporting and retaining top talent.
âTelling an employee they didnât get the promotion they wanted is challenging, but a transparent and well-prepared conversation will help them build a promising path toward future opportunities. This article discusses best-practice tips and suggestions to consider before, during, and after your discussion. Â
Getting passed up for a promotion can be really disappointing As a friend, coworker, or manager, you may be wondering what to say to someone who didn’t get a promotion they wanted. The right words can provide comfort and perspective during a difficult time
When someone doesn’t get a promotion they likely feel disappointed frustrated, and even rejected. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and show empathy. At the same time, you want to avoid saying anything to make them feel worse or diminish their experience.
Here are some tips on what to say and how to have this sensitive conversation:
Validate Their Feelings
Let them know it’s okay to feel disappointed. Getting passed up for a promotion is a big letdown especially if they worked hard and felt they deserved it. Comments like “I’m sorry to hear that I know you worked hard on that application” and “I know that’s disappointing, I’m here if you want to talk” show you empathize with their situation.
Acknowledging their feelings is better than immediately trying to make them feel better. Well-meaning phrases like “don’t worry about it” or “it’s not a big deal” can inadvertently make them feel like you don’t understand their disappointment.
Avoid Comparisons
Be careful about comparing their situation to others who did or didn’t get promoted. Even if you have the best intentions, comments like “at least you weren’t fired” or “John didn’t get promoted either” have the potential to make them feel worse. The conversation should center around their individual experience.
Focus on the Future
While validating their feelings, also emphasize there are more opportunities ahead. For example, you could say “It’s hard to miss a job you really wanted, but you’re very talented, and I know you have more opportunities coming.”
Talk about how this will make them stronger and more driven for the next chance. Discuss other roles they could work toward in the future. This shows you have confidence in their abilities to succeed down the road.
Offer to Help
Let them know you’re there to support them however you can. Maybe they need advice on preparing for the next promotion cycle or emotional support during this time. Offer to be a listening ear, give them advice, or even mentor them on areas to develop. Your guidance and backing can go a long way.
Suggest Alternative Growth Opportunities
There may be other projects, lateral moves, or ways to take on more responsibility that can expand their skills. Recommend things like:
- Joining a high-profile project
- Moving to a new department
- Taking on more direct reports
- Leading a task force
- Attending leadership training
- Presenting at industry conferences
While it’s not the same as an actual promotion, growth opportunities like these can be presented as a “glass half full” silver lining. It gives them something positive to work toward while they wait for the next promotion chance.
Don’t Be Pushy
Everyone handles setbacks differently. Some people may want space, while others need to vent their frustrations. Respect how they want to handle it and don’t force them to “look on the bright side.” It’s better to be supportive of their needs than push your own opinions.
Suggest Ways to Improve Their Chances
Once they’ve had time to process the initial disappointment, discuss constructive steps they can take to boost their chances next time. But broach this carefully and only if they seem receptive to your advice. You could say something like:
“I have some ideas on things that might help prepare you for the next promotion cycle, but I want to be sensitive to how you’re feeling. If you’d like my input on improving your chances for next time, I’m happy to help.”
If they want to hear your suggestions, offer honest feedback on areas like:
- Gaining broader experience
- Taking on more leadership roles
- Getting a mentor
- Developing key skills
- Increasing their internal visibility
- Networking with executives
- Addressing any weaknesses or development areas
Frame it in the spirit of being helpful – not critical. The goal is to provide useful insight they can act on to position themselves for future opportunities.
Avoid Gossiping
Be very careful about gossiping to others about the situation or the person who got promoted over your friend or coworker. That almost always gets back to the person who didn’t get the promotion and can make them feel worse. Don’t contribute to harmful office gossip.
Check in Periodically
Keep checking in periodically to see how they’re doing. The initial sting of rejection wears off over time. But disappointment can linger, especially if they see the promoted person in the new role day-to-day. See if the pain has subsided or if they’re still struggling. Offer an empathetic ear and moral support.
Encourage Them
Offer frequent encouragement, both in your words and actions. Celebrate their wins, compliment them, assign exciting projects, and nominate them for awards. This keeps their spirits up as they work towards the next opportunity.
Focus on Their Strengths
Remind them of their skills, value, and positive contributions. Counter the rejection by highlighting specific examples of their achievements. When people are passed over for promotions, they can start to second guess themselves. Affirming their strengths helps boost their confidence.
Suggest Taking a Break
Everyone needs time to recharge after a disappointment. If it seems like they’re burning out, gently recommend taking a vacation or mental health days. The rest and space can bring back perspective.
Don’t Take It Personally
If they seem angry or distant, don’t take it personally. They’re likely just frustrated with the situation, not you. Keep reaching out and being there for them. They’ll remember those who supported them when times were tough.
Have Open Conversations About Growth
Create an open culture around development and promotions. Discuss opportunities often in both one-on-one and team conversations. This reduces the stigma when promotions don’t work out.
Adjust Your Leadership Style if Needed
Think about your own role as their manager, mentor or leader. Does your style breed healthy competition? Or inadvertently pit employees against each other? Make sure you’re bringing out the best in everyone.
Evaluate Your Promotion Process
As a leader, analyze whether bias, office politics or other factors are influencing your promotion decisions. Strive to make the process as fair and objective as possible.
Don’t Make Promotions the Sole Focus
Shift the emphasis from just promotions to providing opportunities for growth in many forms. Celebrate lateral moves, increased scope, new projects, learning, and other steps forward.
Empower Them to Take Ownership of Their Career
Promotions aren’t guaranteed. Encourage them to proactively drive their own development and career paths, not depend on others. Empower them to create opportunities, not just wait for them.
Be Supportive If They Decide to Leave
While you hope they’ll stay, losing out on a promotion may prompt some people to start looking elsewhere. If that’s the case, handle it graciously. Support their career growth, even if it’s at another company.
Learn from the Experience
Think about any lessons that can be learned – by them, you, leadership or the overall organization. Are there things that could be improved in the future to make the promotions process more positive?
How Not to React
Along with tips on what to say, also keep in mind inappropriate reactions to avoid:
- Criticizing or blaming them
- Getting angry on their behalf
- Spreading rumors about what happened
- Dismissing their concerns as petty
- Saying they should just be grateful for their current job
- Brushing it off as no big deal
- Saying “I told you so” if you warned them they wouldn’t get it
Reactions like these will only make the situation worse.
Be Supportive Over Time
This won’t be resolved in one conversation. Be prepared for them to struggle with this off and on. Continue providing encouragement and support whenever they need it – whether it’s weeks, months or years down the road. A caring community makes coping easier.
Have Compassion
Most people can relate to the sting of rejection from not getting a hoped-for promotion at some point. Show the compassion you’d want someone to offer if you were in their shoes. Use this as an opportunity to deepen your friendship and increase loyalty.
With the right mindset and words, you can help someone feel better after the disappointment of being passed over for a promotion. Listen, express empathy, focus on the future, and provide perspective. Most importantly, continue to believe in them and their talents. With your support, they’ll be positioned for success in the next opportunity.
Be transparent & clear
A team lead who cares about transparency knows they should inform an internal applicant they didnât get the promotion they wanted as soon as possible. But what do transparency and clarity look like during this kind of conversation?
First, you shouldnât rely on broad-brush language like, âLeadership was concerned you might not be able to handle the new responsibilities,â or, âSome managers had doubts about your motivation and engagement.â Your report will probably feel stressed and anxious during the discussion, so they may not be able to process or internalize this kind of language in a constructive way.
Instead, point to specific instances where your report didnât meet the standards required for the promotion. For example:
- This position requires someone who has good prioritization skills and meets deadlines consistently, and Iâve noticed that youâve missed several deadlines in the last two quarters.
- As a manager, you need to set a good example by being on time, and Iâve noticed you arriving late or missing meetings on several occasions in the past year.
- This role requires strong communication skills. Some of your peers have pointed out that you occasionally miscommunicate in a way that affects your down-line team membersâ ability to do their work. â
Point to specific instances where your internal candidate didnât meet the standards required for the promotion
Tips to help your employees get promoted
When you dedicate time to help your employees prepare for advancement opportunities, you contribute to a healthy work culture and guide team members in creating career paths that align with their skill sets â leading to higher retention rates and productivity.
With that in mind, here are a few quick tips to support your reports in getting promoted:
- Arrange meetings to discuss their career goals â You can talk about job aspirations during performance reviews or set up standalone career development talks. Both provide opportunities to have open conversations with your team members. Be honest about when you think theyâll be ready for a lateral move or managerial position. Your report should come out of that meeting with a vision for their career path.
- Go over career progression frameworks in meetings â Itâs always helpful to remind employees what skills they need to develop in their current role before theyâre ready to move up. The great thing about a progression framework (like Leapsomeâs) is that you get a side-by-side view of the core competencies required for employees at every level. As a result, team members can plan which soft skills to work on.
- Work with team members to create one objective and three to five key results (OKRs) focused on getting promoted â Now that your report knows what role they want to grow into, you can collaborate and create dedicated OKRs to that end.
Objective | Get promoted to senior product manager
- Key result 1 | Conduct a product management workshop with 80% participation
- Key result 2 | Create a product knowledge resource with insights from ten coworkersâ
- Key result 3 | Complete a manager training course
How To Tell Someone They Aren’t Getting Promoted | Can We Talk? Episode Four
What if an employee didn’t get a promotion?
This is essential because the employee put time and effort into the application and interview for the promotion, so they deserve the same from you. If the employee asks why they didn’t get the promotion, keep the conversation focused on their skills and not the skills of the person who got promoted.
What should you do if you don’t get a promotion?
Show respect for candidates who didn’t get a promotion, inform them immediately, and arrange a discussion as quickly as possible. Otherwise, you risk them learning the news from coworkers, who may not have access to the same context or background information as you.
How do you talk to employees if they didn’t get a promotion?
Begin the conversation by telling the employee they did not get the promotion. Then, observe their body language and facial expressions to see if you need to change your initial conversation plan to tailor it to their needs at the moment.
What do you say if a friend doesn’t get a promotion?
When a friend tells you they didn’t get a promotion or a job, say something considerate and reassuring. Keep your initial response brief to allow them the opportunity to share more if they want. Be genuine and heartfelt while maintaining an empathetic mindset about their situation. Here are a few phrases you can use:
