- Do they understand their privilege? …
- Does their family accept me? …
- Are their friends racially considerate? …
- Am I being fetishized? …
- Can I overcome religious differences? …
- Is this relationship right for me?
If theres one thing that being in interracial relationships all my life has taught me, its patience. A sense of humor has certainly been a good byproduct as well, but my biggest takeaway has been an adeptness at handling really uncomfortable situations; theres never a dull moment when I show up to a party arm in arm with a guy who isnt my ethnic match. Our society is still getting accustomed to seeing — and normalizing — couples who are racially different, and it doesnt help that we dont have that many strong examples of interracial couples in the media to look up to. I know, I know, Princess North is cute, but that hardly makes Kim and Kanye fantastic role models; and as much as I love Modern Family, Gloria and Jays relationship is forced at best.
Peoples genuine curiosity can be endearing … until the ignorance is tossed into the mix and rude inappropriate comments start flying. Worse than the comments, though, are the questions — because those require answers. Dumb statements, I can just deflect by changing the subject to Hillary Clinton or Jon Snow — but thats not possible when an inquiry is hanging over your head and everyone at the dinner table is waiting for your response. I finally became OK with telling friends and acquaintances when their questions crossed the line. It prevents another mixed race couple from being bombarded with the same rubbish — and helps others understand that interracial relationships arent just oddities or celebrity occurrences.
Interracial Relationships – Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man – Ep. 5
Interracial Relationships: Is Love Really Blind?
Wilesha and John
Joan and Rich
Camille and Jeff
How did you meet, and is this your first interracial dating experience?
What attracted you to them?
Did you have any hesitations about dating outside your race, and how did your family feel? Did your partner feel accepted by them?
Do you have a complexion preference?
Have your predispositions of each other’s races changed since you’ve been in your relationship?
Have your past disappointments with dating your own race lead you to date outside your race?
Do you feel it’s important that if you have children, they know both sides of their culture? How will you educate them?
Is there a difference in intimacy or sexual experience?
Successful interracial relationships happen when there is a foundation of mutual respect.
A willingness to learn about each other’s cultural differences is vital to interracial dating.
If you plan on starting a family with someone outside of your race, be sure to communicate about all of the intricacies that come with having a mixed child.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with dating outside of your race, but the reason for it should be more about positive preference or coincidence rather than putting down your own race.
Have an open mind and open heart when dating in general, but especially when dating outside of your race. There will always be more to learn and more to teach.
I was the first black women who both of my ex-boyfriends had ever been with so I knew they did not have a particular “type.” But this is not the case for all women. Today, Asian women are perhaps the most fetishized, next to black women and Latina women.
It is tough times like these when conversations about white privilege are necessary for helping your partner understand fully gender disparities and the struggles that minority groups endure.
Of course, any relationship takes work, regardless of differences in race or culture. But if it does take too much work to deal with any of the things mentioned above, then the relationship probably isn’t right for you.
“It’s a joke about the happy ending massages. I wish this stuff was made up, but I think that’s where the Asian fetish comes from and I think that’s why some guys are super interested in dating an Asian,” Coggins says.
When Coggins started dating a guy named Erik, she found out that his friends had also been asking Angus this very same sexual question about her.
Drew and Cheree emphasize that while “relationships aren’t easy,” it is about the commitment and effort you put into a relationship that has nothing to do with one’s ethnicity.
As a society, we may be seeing more and more interracial couples on our TV screens and our everyday lives, but that still does not stop the curiousity about their relationships. YouTube couple Drew and Cheree break down the 10 most frequently asked questions they get as an interracial couple.
“They see how happy he makes me and that makes them happy,” was Cheree’s response. Though they both answered that their families were accepting of their S.O., there was an obvious uncomfortable moment.
However given today’s political and racial climate, could perhaps have some influence as to why they did not answer in depth.
Drew and Cheree both answered that they have dated within their race, and outside their race. They confess that their attraction to another person is not limited to skintone, but personality and character.
Dont ask me if my Japanese fiancé is a work-a-holic with a small penis who loves to drink sake, kill whales and pressure his wife (me) to do housework all day. Answer: No
Of course couples with different mother tongues have communication problems — but so does every other couple. In fact, interracial couples might be better off because when your partner was raised in a different country, you automatically assume they do things differently. Disagreements are natural, rather than the sign of an “unhealthy” relationship.
6. Can you help me find a [insert race/ethnicity] boyfriend/girlfriend? If I find someone of your preferred ethnicity and gender who wants to date your ethnicity and gender, I will let you know, but Im not going to go digging through my fiancés friends, trying to find someone who “wants to date a hot, white girl.” Answer: I can, but I would rather not.
8. Do people stare at you when you go on dates? Of course people stare. By asking this question, youre acknowledging that interracial relationships are “outside the norm.” If you have noticed this, other people have too and if they have noticed it, they have probably also stared (without meaning to).
Do you speak [insert partners language]? Much like the other two questions, this is simple curiosity. I have met interracial couples who speak each others languages fluently and couples who cannot speak a word of their partners language. It varies depending on the language, culture and length of the relationship.
FAQ
How successful are interracial relationships?
- Derogatory comments in public.
- Loss of contact with friends or family that disapprove.
- Negative comments online or in the media.
- Negative stereotyping.
- Open hostility and intimidation.
- Rejection from family or being disinherited.
- A sense of isolation.
- Stares, insults, jibes, slights, and whispers.
What interracial marriage has the highest divorce rate?
What are the advantages of interracial marriage?
One consistent finding of this research is that gender is significantly related to divorce risk. Interracial marriages involving a White woman have a higher risk of divorce, as compared with interracial marriages involving Asian or Black women.
