Workplace advice columnist Alison Green answers all your questions about office life. Got a question for her? Email [email protected].
Workplace advice columnist Alison Green answers all your questions about office life. Got a question for her? Email [email protected].
I was laid off from my sales job due to COVID and then scored my “dream job” at another start-up as an account manager. I was so proud and excited to start this newish career path, and felt qualified, but also that I was going to learn so much. And I am.
The problem is, I just don’t feel like I’m great at the job, and I fear I won’t get to a point where I’ve mastered it, or at least to a point where I don’t need my manager’s support on every issue I encounter. I worry I’m sorely underqualified for this role with regards to strategic thinking and supporting accounts of this size.
I’ve been at the job for almost six months. When should I begin feeling comfortable? I started off with tons of enthusiasm, but it’s waning now. I’m pretty much just doing prep for upcoming meetings and have lost motivation to go the extra mile for strategic planning for my accounts. Part of it is that I simply don’t know what to do, and part of it is that my anxiety is paralyzing. I sit and stare at my screen and try to figure things out and can’t focus. My manager has told me it took him a year to feel comfortable, but at the same time, he still had an incredible amount of success in that year, and I’m not awesome at the “fake it ’til you make it” mind-set.
I’m concerned that the company loved me during the interview process but are now disappointed in me, although I have no real feedback indicating this. I’m not going to hit my upcoming goals, but the company also understands they created those targets based on unreliable data, and my entire team is in the same boat. I have yet to have my 90-day check-in, and we currently don’t have any actual metrics to assess performance, so honestly, I don’t know how anyone would know if I were doing well or not.
At what point should I look for a new job if I feel like I’m not able to do the one for which I was hired? Do you have any tips on how to get my managers to tell me what would be an indicator of whether or not I was a good fit and if I had potential to really excel? I don’t want to sit around wondering when the other shoe will drop and they’ll discover I’m actually terrible at my job. It’s my first job where my performance is not 100 percent connected to attaining specific targets. Is this just impostor syndrome? Is it the company’s fault for not supporting me more? Am I just ducking responsibility for my performance?
I don’t have the energy to keep fighting for feedback or for something that helps me measure my performance. I should note, I am the only woman on my team, and the only one who seems to be worried about whether or not I’m doing okay. I know this is a more common thing for women to experience, but I don’t want to brush it off as just being that.
Oh my goodness, please talk to your manager! One conversation might set you completely at ease.
You’re used to jobs where you would know precisely how well you were doing because you had specific targets that you either hit or didn’t. That can be very reassuring — you have numbers that measure your performance at any given time, and you never need to wonder. But now you’ve gone from that to an environment where you don’t have those clear indicators, and that can be unsettling in the beginning! (In theory, it could remain unsettling for you in the long term too, in which case you might conclude that this kind of job isn’t for you — but I don’t think things are that dire yet.)
That said, is it possible that you’re not very good at the job? Sure, it’s possible. That happens. But it’s also possible that you’re doing absolutely fine and are exactly where your boss would expect you to be at this point. This job might be one that takes longer to master than other positions you’ve had. You haven’t been there quite six months yet, and a lot of jobs take right around six months to even start feeling comfortable. And that’s just feeling comfortable, not mastering the role! Some roles can take a year or two to become good at, and longer still to fully master. If this is the first time you’re experiencing that, it makes sense that you’re feeling uneasy.
Of course, that’s just guesswork from me since I can’t know from the outside. But there’s someone who can tell you for sure: your boss. In fact, it sounds like your boss might have been trying to reassure you about this already! If he told you it took him a year (twice as long as you’ve been there!) to feel comfortable, my guess is that he’s either noticing your anxiety and telling you there’s no cause for it or preemptively trying to prepare for you for a job that simply takes a while to learn.
But rather than speculating, please talk to your boss about this! Tell him that you don’t have a good sense of how things are going and ask if he can give you some feedback on your work. Ask specifically, “What’s your sense of how things are going overall?” and “Am I about where you’d expect me to be at this point in my training, or were you hoping I’d be further along?” Tell him that you hadn’t anticipated you’d still be needing his support on so many issues you encounter and are wondering if that’s par for the course or an indication that you need to do more to get yourself up to speed. You can also be transparent that you’re struggling with how to assess your progress and ask what indicators he’ll look at when he’s assessing your performance at the end of, say, a year.
If your manager seems like a reasonable and supportive person, you could also ask for more coaching on the pieces of the job that you’re struggling with most. There’s no reason you can’t say, for example, “I’m new to doing strategic planning for accounts of this size. Could we sit down and talk through how you’d approach some of them so I can work on building my skills in that area?” It might feel like a bad idea to call your boss’s attention to your weaker spots, but a good manager will appreciate that you’re identifying your own development areas and being forthright about trying to improve.
Now, separately: You mentioned that your anxiety is paralyzing you when you’re trying to work! If the anxiety is specific to this situation and not something you experience in the rest of your life, it might be addressed by taking the steps above. But if it’s something you’ve encountered at other times too, I urge you to consider talking with a therapist about it — both because it could be playing a role in how you’re assessing things at work (it can warp how you perceive things pretty badly) and also because it sucks to go through life feeling anxious!
As for your question about at what point you should look for a new job if you continue to feel you can’t do this one … If you have the above conversation with your boss (and really have it — don’t water down the questions that I recommended asking) and it turns out that he shares your concerns about your work so far, that could be a sign that, indeed, the job just might not be the strongest match. Or, if you talk to him and he’s not discouraging, but he’s also not that helpful — if he’s disengaged, vague, or otherwise unable to help you contextualize how you’re performing — I’d give it more time. Again, you’re not even at six months yet and he’s suggested it might take a year to feel like you know what you’re doing. But if the idea of giving it more time feels excruciating — and especially if your concerns are growing — it might be that this setup just isn’t a great one for you. That wouldn’t necessarily mean that you can’t do the job; it could mean that you’re not happy in roles with this much ambiguity and you’d rather move into one with clearer metrics and goalposts. If so, there’s nothing wrong with that — and that’s actually a good thing to know about yourself, because it can guide your future job searches! But if you can stick it out a while longer to see how things progress, it could be worth it.
You hustled hard to land your current job. The intensive interview process confirmed that your skills and experience made you the ideal candidate. Yet now that you’re in the role self-doubt creeps in. Despite outward signs of success you secretly feel in over your head.
You’re convinced it’s only a matter of time until your manager and coworkers realize you don’t deserve to be there. Sound familiar? If so you may be experiencing a phenomenon called imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome involves feeling like an intellectual fraud, despite clear evidence of competence. High achievers in many industries suffer from this affliction, which can sabotage careers if left unchecked.
Read on to understand imposter syndrome, why it develops and how to overcome feeling undeserving in your job. With the right strategies, you can recognize your worth and excel.
What is Imposter Syndrome?
The term “imposter syndrome” was coined in 1978 by researchers Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes. Their paper described feeling like an “imposter” among high-achieving women who discounted their accomplishments and feared being “found out” as less capable than perceived.
Common signs of imposter syndrome include:
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Attributing success to luck rather than skill
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Discounting praise and positive feedback from others
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Feeling undeserving of accolades or promotions
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Fear of failure and making mistakes
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Minimizing achievements and abilities
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Secretly feeling like a fraud or phony
While imposter syndrome is more prevalent among women, men experience it too. High performers of all backgrounds who tie self-worth to unrealistic standards are susceptible.
Left unaddressed, imposter syndrome stifles potential by fueling self-doubt instead of well-deserved confidence.
What Causes Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter syndrome typically develops from a mix of factors, both nature and nurture:
Personality Traits
Perfectionism, neuroticism and introversion increase tendencies toward imposterism. People-pleasers who seek external validation feel it acutely.
Family Dynamics
Children raised in families that emphasized intellect and achievement frequently develop imposter syndrome. The pressure to succeed instills deep self-doubt.
Culture & Gender
Women and minorities often feel heightened pressure to prove themselves in white male-dominated industries. Discrimination can breed imposter feelings.
Early Messages
Being labeled “gifted” or told you can achieve anything leads to unrealistic expectations. Criticism has an outsized impact.
comparison Culture
Social media feeds insecurities by triggering constant comparison. Seeing others’ curated “perfect” lives magnifies normal self-doubts.
With so many complex forces at play, even the most accomplished people wrestle with periodic imposter syndrome. The key is recognizing those feelings for what they are – irrational thoughts rather than objective reality.
Signs You May Be Experiencing Imposter Syndrome
Wondering if imposter syndrome could be sabotaging your career? Review these common signs:
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You attribute your success to external factors like luck or charm, not your own abilities.
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You secretly fear you’ll be “exposed” for not being as competent as people think.
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You shudder at the thought of coworkers asking you questions you can’t answer.
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You avoid pursuing promotions or challenging projects for fear you won’t measure up.
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You feel your colleagues know far more than you and work much harder.
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You downplay or make excuses about your accomplishments when praised.
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You get highly anxious before presentations, meetings or other big moments.
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You work excessively long hours to overcompensate for self-perceived deficits.
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You dread making even small mistakes and worry they confirm your ineptitude.
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You discount positive feedback, thinking the person doesn’t really understand your poor performance.
Do one or more sound familiar? You likely wrestle with imposter syndrome like countless successful people. Now let’s explore ways to overcome it.
8 Ways to Overcome Imposter Syndrome
Left unchecked, imposter syndrome creates a vicious cycle. You attribute success to luck, overcompensate through overpreparation, experience intense anxiety and self-doubt when put on the spot, and write off positive outcomes as flukes.
Here are proven strategies to break the cycle:
1. Own your expertise – Make an inventory of your skills, achievements and unique value. Refer back to it when you feel undeserving.
2. Reframe success – Avoid linking self-worth to perfection. Failure is part of growth. Progress, not perfection, defines success.
3. Analyze thought patterns – Notice when imposter thoughts arise and consciously counter them with facts disputing distorted thinking.
4. Visualize success – Envision yourself excelling before big moments. Positive visualization builds confidence to match the mental image.
5. Talk it out – Confide in trusted mentors, friends or teammates about your feelings. Their support and perspective is grounding.
6. Celebrate others’ success – Avoid comparison and reframe your mindset to fully appreciate colleagues’ accomplishments.
7. Take strategic risks – Raise your hand for stretch assignments and presentations. Use small wins to build real confidence.
8. Power pose – Adopt open, expansive body language. Research shows “power posing” increases confidence.
While simple in theory, these tactics require diligence to reshape thought patterns. Be patient and keep perspective – even the highest performers feel occasional doubt. The key is not letting those passing moments define you.
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome at Work
Imposter syndrome often intensifies in work settings with public scrutiny and high-stakes projects. Try these strategies tailored for professional environments:
Amplify teamwork – Position projects as collaborative efforts versus solo achievements. Share credit to keep egos in check.
Journal regularly – Tracking accomplishments counters selective memory that discounts wins. Review the journal to reinforce progress.
Prepare thoughtfully – Organize talking points or rehearse presentations to build legitimate confidence through preparation.
Remember others’ paths – Draw inspiration from colleagues’ career trajectories that included setbacks and on-the-job learning.
Focus on customers – Keep the end-beneficiaries of your work front and center rather than fixating on impressing superiors.
Connect with leadership – Seek informal mentorship from executives who can share their own career self-doubts experienced along the way to success.
Claim your expertise – Step into leadership roles confidently by framing your ideas through your experience versus seeking approval excessively.
Manage up – Influence managers to evaluate performance based on outcomes versus face time, keeping reasonable hours.
Change narratives – When tempted to discount achievements, immediately reframe them as examples of skill and perseverance.
With concentrated effort, imposter syndrome’s grip will loosen. You’ll move from feeling lucky to deserving your success.
Free Your Potential by Shedding Self-Doubt
Some self-doubt is healthy, preventing complacency and driving growth. But when irrational insecurity consumes thinking, unrealized potential is its real victim.
Don’t sacrifice your career goals and advancement to imposter syndrome. You have more expertise, skill and value than you realize. With strategies tailored to how you think and work, you can finally recognize your worth.
The most successful people in every field still periodically struggle with imposter syndrome. But they’ve adopted habits to loosen its power by countering untrue narratives with facts. They know everyone builds careers step-by-step through on-the-job development.
You can join their ranks by taking small risks, documenting achievements and opening up to mentors. As imposter feelings fade, energy once wasted on self-doubt is freed up to drive your career to new heights. The sky is the limit when self-imposed limits disappear. You’ve got this!
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This Is The Type of Job You Should Quit | Mel Robbins “Work It Out”
How do I know if I’m doing a good job?
Review your performance with a manager or coworker you trust who’s familiar with your work to see if they have any feedback they can provide about your performance. You may feel better about your work if you hear from others that they think you’re doing a great job.
What does it mean if I’m not good at anything?
Thinking “I’m not good at anything” often indicates that you are experiencing low self-esteem or self-doubt. Some people can shake these thoughts off and move on, but it’s common to get bogged down in this thinking. If this type of thinking becomes dominant, it can be challenging to move past it.
Why am I not happy at my job?
After a few months or years—you get that “I’m not happy at my job” feeling. Your job makes you miserable, so you jump ship and move onto something new. But sure enough—like clockwork—at every new job you start, you eventually run into the same feelings and problems all over again. Maybe you have a hard time relating to your co-workers.
Why am I not good at anything?
Feeling like you are not good at anything often stems from poor self-esteem, social comparisons, negative thinking, and the fear of trying new things. To overcome it and feel more confident in yourself and your abilities, it’s important to figure out the causes and take steps to address it.
