Have you ever noticed how some people can effortlessly talk to anyone they meet, no matter how divergent their backgrounds?
Or have you seen that one person who always offends someone, no matter the topic of conversation?
These two scenarios depict how we can differ in our abilities to interact, get along with, and relate to others around us. In the same way that we vary in traditional academic competencies, we can vary in how socially competent we are. After years of academic research and development, this social competency is now commonly referred to as ‘social intelligence.’
This article will summarize the origins of social intelligence before diving into how it can be measured and improved, its differences from emotional intelligence, and some recommendations for further resources.
Before you continue, you might like to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free. These science-based exercises will not only enhance your ability to understand and work with your emotions, but will also give you the tools to foster the emotional intelligence of your clients, students, children, or employees.
Social intelligence is about effectively navigating social relationships and environments. It involves being able to connect with people, understand different perspectives, and foster positive interactions. While some may be more naturally gifted at social intelligence than others, it is a skill that anyone can develop over time with concerted effort. Sharpening your social intelligence leads to more authentic connections, improved relationships, and greater understanding of those around you. This article explores practical techniques for enhancing social intelligence in your daily life.
Cultivate Your Curiosity About People
Curiosity is key to tuning into others and seeing beyond surface-level interactions. Nurture your curiosity by:
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Asking open-ended questions that provide insight into who someone is rather than just what they do For example, ask about passions, values, or childhood memories
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Making a point to continue conversations beyond basic introductions and pleasantries Many fascinating stories live below the iceberg tip you see at first
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Following up with people you’ve just met or have surface-level relationships with Check in on meaningful events happening in their lives
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Observing body language and unspoken cues during interactions. Consider what they reveal about emotions and unexpressed thoughts.
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Reflecting afterwards on conversations to gain new insights about the other person. Identify areas you may have missed in the moment.
Following your curiosity helps deepen bonds and understanding between yourself and others.
Listen More Than You Speak
Being fully present while others speak improves social intelligence by allowing you to truly understand diverse perspectives. Ways to listen actively include:
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Maintaining eye contact without distraction or judgment.
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Repeating back key points to confirm your understanding.
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Allowing natural silences without immediately filling them.
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Summarizing the speaker’s overall feelings after important points.
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Asking follow up questions to learn more, not just to reply.
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Avoiding interrupting or steering the conversation to yourself.
Deep listening shows respect, builds trust, and uncovers the meaning beneath words.
Tune Into Unspoken Needs
Social intelligence involves paying attention to needs not just clearly voiced but subtly expressed. Consider:
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Physical cues signaling discomfort, anxiety, anger, or other emotions. Offer support rather than ignoring these.
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Body language and tone hinting at unspoken disagreement or hesitation. Gently probe for better understanding.
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Comments touched with sadness or hints of isolation. Provide space for further sharing.
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Difficulty concentrating, short replies, or agitation indicating preoccupation with other issues. Check in kindly.
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Indirect requests for help or validation. Respond to the underlying need.
Complex situations require watching for and addressing mixed, unspoken needs in order to provide meaningful social support.
Develop Your Empathy
Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is core to social intelligence. Ways to expand your empathy include:
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Imagining yourself in someone else’s situation when they share difficulties. How would it make you feel?
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Withholding judgment when listening to different life stories. Seek to understand, not critique.
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Consume fiction, films, and art exposing you to diverse characters and cultures. Put yourself in their shoes.
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Volunteering with support groups and community organizations. Interact with people facing challenges.
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Reflecting on your own past experiences with relationships, adversity, and emotion. Tap into those feelings.
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Checking your understanding of people’s feelings. Ask “It sounds like you feel ___, is that right?”
Perspective-taking and shared understanding are key empathic skills to hone.
Social intelligence allows us to connect on a profound level, understand unspoken meanings, and navigate complexity in relationships. While some are innately more skilled in this area, it is something anyone can improve through conscious effort. Set the intention to deepen your interactions by cultivating curiosity about people, honing your listening skills, detecting unmet needs, and expanding empathy. The reward will be more authentic connections and increased understanding between you and others. Start small, stay patient with yourself, and appreciate the journey. With time and practice, you will enhance your social intelligence and the quality of your relationships.
2 Real-Life Examples and Skills
Let’s look at social intelligence with practical examples.
3 Books on the Topic
Great reads with which to further develop your understanding of SI:
