Rae Curcio-Molnar has stories. And too many of them have to do with toxic work experiences—like the ambulance company job she had, where overwork and negative, “suck-it-up” attitudes made her thankful when she got injured and had to quit.
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Or when she became a technician at an eye doctor’s office. “When I went into it, it seemed fine. Everyone was nice,” Curcio-Molnar says. “But as time went on there was a lot of gaslighting. The expectations of what you were supposed to do were never made 100% clear and then when you didn’t meet them, you would get yelled at.”
It wasn’t just the higher-ups who displayed toxic behavior. Curcio-Molnar encountered coworkers who were sweet and would praise her but then flipped a switch. Their sweet side “makes you want to impress them but then like an hour later, you’ll be berated” and feel awful for disappointing them, Curcio-Molnar says.
While she knew their opinions had no bearing on whether she would keep or lose her job—they weren’t her bosses, after all—Curcio-Molnar still cared what they thought. “Because they put you into the mentality of, ‘Let’s be nice and pretend we’re all this one big family.’ And then 10 minutes later, you’re making me want to cry,” she says.
These experiences, and others at different workplaces, have made Curcio-Molnar more savvy when it comes to spotting toxic coworkers. “I’m definitely not going to put up with it anymore,” she says. “I’m going to build my own boundaries. There’s only so much I will allow and after that it’s not acceptable.”
Like Curcio-Molnar, you can learn to recognize toxic coworkers and behaviors. While it’s not your job to “fix” toxicity in the workplace, there are steps you can take to defuse the situation and maintain your inner peace.
Dealing with a toxic coworker can be one of the most challenging parts of any job. These negative individuals spread negativity throughout the office, decrease morale, and make an otherwise pleasant job very difficult. Learning how to identify and manage toxic coworkers is an essential skill for creating a positive work environment. In this article, we’ll explore techniques for handling toxic coworkers professionally and minimizing their impact.
What Makes a Coworker Toxic?
Toxic coworkers come in many forms, but generally exhibit some combination of the following traits:
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Negativity – Complaining, gossiping, and constantly finding faults in others. Never has anything positive to say.
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Lack of accountability – Always has an excuse for poor performance and blames others for mistakes Takes credit for others’ successes
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Disrespect – Belittles, insults, or makes sarcastic comments about coworkers. Lacks empathy and compassion.
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Unprofessionalism – Spreads rumors, is rude to clients/customers, dresses inappropriately, etc.
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Incompetence – Lacks skills or motivation to complete work adequately but won’t accept help. Creates more work for others.
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Manipulation – Plays coworkers against each other. Twists facts or exaggerates to make themselves look better. Lies or withholds key information.
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Volatility – Easily angered yells, throws tantrums slams doors. Creates a threatening, uncomfortable environment.
No single flaw makes someone toxic, but displaying a pattern of these behaviors can poison the entire office culture.
How to Identify Toxic Coworkers
When trying to determine if a coworker is truly toxic or just a difficult personality, look for key patterns of behavior:
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Do they consistently criticize and complain about others?
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Do they avoid taking responsibility and blame coworkers or circumstances for mistakes?
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Does interacting with them leave you feeling drained, belittled, or manipulated?
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Do they seem to dislike collaborating or helping teammates?
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Do they spread rumors or confidential information inappropriately?
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Does their presence lower morale and productivity in the workplace?
If you answered yes to some of these questions, the person likely exhibits toxic traits. Document specific examples of concerning behaviors to build evidence of their impact.
Strategies for Managing a Toxic Coworker
Once identified, there are several professional techniques for minimizing a toxic coworker’s presence:
Establish Firm Boundaries
Make your expectations and limitations clear. Keep communication brief and focused on work. Avoid gossip, sarcasm, and unnecessary personal details. Say no if they try manipulating you into unwanted favors.
Use the “Gray Rock” Method
Provide boring, emotionless responses to their attempts at drama. Remain calm and uninterested in their negativity. Share as little information as possible.
Create a Personal Impact Filter
Recognize their behavior likely stems from personal issues, not you. Don’t take their insults or manipulation personally. Let their negativity roll off your back.
Use Socratic Questioning
Respond to accusations or gossip with clarifying questions. Get them to explain their reasoning to identify flaws. Stick to facts.
Gamify Interactions
Make a game out of avoiding unnecessary conversations or information sharing. Keep interactions brief, positive, and focused on tasks.
Prioritize Professional Development
Invest in training or coaching to build confidence and emotional intelligence. Improving your own skills makes you less impacted by a toxic person’s flaws.
Document Incidents
Keep records of inappropriate behaviors, your response, and the impact. This creates evidence if their behavior escalates to needing formal intervention.
Limit Time Together
Physically avoid the person as much as feasibly possible. Request moving desks or offices if needed. Schedule meetings and projects to minimize overlapping time.
Above all, refuse to sink to their level. Respond professionally and remain confident in your own abilities and integrity. Their behavior is a reflection of themselves, not you. With practice, these strategies allow you to limit a toxic person’s influence and continue performing at your best.
When Is It Time to Get Help?
If a coworker’s toxicity escalates despite your best efforts, it may be time to request formal intervention. Examples of unacceptable behavior requiring reporting include:
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Bullying or threatening – Making you feel unsafe, belittled, or harassed
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Discrimination – Inappropriate comments or actions related to protected categories like race, gender, or religion.
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Dangerous conduct – Physical violence, intoxication, destruction of property, etc.
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Unethical or illegal activity – Lying, stealing, falsifying documents, breaching confidentiality
Document all concerning incidents with dates, times, witnesses, emails, etc. Compile evidence demonstrating the toxic individual’s pattern of unacceptable behavior and its impacts on you and the organization.
Notify your manager, HR department, or legal counsel depending on the severity of the situation. Companies have a duty to prevent and address harassment, discrimination, unprofessional conduct, and unethical or illegal acts. You should not have to tolerate an abusive coworker.
With the right documentation and formal intervention, a toxic employee can be disciplined, retrained, transferred, or terminated as needed to create a safe, compliant workplace. Do not suffer in silence – report significant toxicity for the good of yourself and the organization.
Tips for Coping with Toxic Coworkers
Dealing with a toxic coworker, especially while seeking resolution, requires resilience and self-care. Some useful coping strategies include:
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Venting – Discuss challenges (without gossiping) with trusted friends, mentors, or professionals to process frustrations.
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Self-affirmation – Remind yourself of your positive traits, accomplishments, and goals. Don’t internalize their criticisms.
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Relaxation techniques – Do deep breathing, meditation, yoga, or other practices to manage stress. Take breaks outdoors or away from your toxic coworker.
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Exercise – Physical activity reduces anxiety, boosts energy, and improves mood.
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Work-life balance – Invest time in hobbies, friends, and family activities that recharge you. Don’t let one negative person consume your life.
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Healthy habits – Eat nutritious meals, get enough sleep, avoid excessive alcohol use, and make time for fun and laughter. Reduce unhealthy habits that compound stress.
You deserve to feel happy and respected at work. Do not allow an unhealthy coworker to sabotage your mental health or career goals. With the right strategies, you can minimize a toxic person’s impact while pursuing positivity and success on your own terms.
How to deal with a constant complainer
The reality is, your colleague is probably going to turn to you first to complain because you’re a fellow employee they probably feel comfortable with.
Johnson Jr. says the best approach to meet a complainer where they are is to deploy sympathy and curiosity, by saying something like: “First and foremost, Robert, I hear what you’re saying but honestly I haven’t had that experience. Tell me more about that.”
But if the occasional complaint turns into constant venting, you can try something a little more direct to encourage them to rethink their doom and gloom attitude.
Career coach and former Muser Kyle Lee suggests saying something like this: “I’ve had enough jobs to know that there’s always going to be something that stinks. What I’ve found here is that focusing on the positive and making sure I know why I’m doing what I’m doing is way better than fixating on the stuff we can’t fix. It’s been working for me, so it could work for you too.”
Ultimately, Johnson Jr. says, you want a self-awareness switch to turn on with a constant complainer. That way, they can realize they’re always complaining and become curious as to why. “Then it becomes an introspective search versus an outward negative sentiment,” Johnson Jr. says. They have the agency to decide: “I can stay and resolve or I can leave and find somewhere that really aligns with who I am.”
But if the above doesn’t work—or you just don’t want to engage—you can also deflect, change the subject, or even distance yourself from the complainer. After all, it shouldn’t fall on you to single handedly change your colleague’s negative disposition.
You can use what career consultant Lea McLeod calls “getaway phrases,” such as “I have a phone call I need to jump on,” or, “I need to prep for the meeting this afternoon,” to extricate yourself from conversations before they turn into complaint-fests.
A lot of us gossip about our colleagues when we’re outside the office or during organization-sponsored happy hours. But a coworker who engages in occasional chitchat about their colleagues (which can be harmful already) becomes a potentially toxic gossiper when they talk about other people behind their backs on a regular basis.
This person might spread rumors or half-truths about their colleagues, and a conversation with them usually isn’t complete without hearing salacious details (true or not) about John in the marketing department or Haley the receptionist.
People who fall into the gossiper coworker type may be insecure about their ability to do their job well, think gossip helps them bond with their colleagues, or be trying to seek attention. At the end of the day, no matter why a coworker gossips incessantly, their trash talk can damage employees’ morale and damage the team’s psychological safety.
The constant complainer
This coworker is pretty easy to identify because, as the name suggests, they’re always complaining.
“The coffee’s never hot enough, they don’t have the flavor that I like, the meeting’s not at the time I need it to be, my manager sucks, everything is wrong,” Johnson Jr. says, adding that this type of coworker can be the most frustrating because their negative attitude might be infectious and impact how you feel about the workplace.
Someone who complains constantly may not feel heard in the workplace, which is a serious problem. But while it’s understandable to occasionally vent your frustrations or seek support from a peer, frequent negativity can overwhelm both parties. And it won’t necessarily improve the situation if they’re not taking steps to bring their concerns to their boss or, if it exists, their union.
TOXIC COWORKERS | How to Deal with Toxic People at Work
What is a toxic positive coworker?
The Toxic Positive is a person who always seems to be happy. They seem always to want to be happy and might say platitudes like, “Put on a smile!” or “Cheer up!” These coworkers demonstrate classic signs of toxic positivity and can be an energy drain to be around. They say things like: “You should smile more!” “Let’s all keep it positive today.”
How do you manage a toxic coworker?
Establish boundaries Setting limits is the first step in managing a toxic coworker and ensuring their behavior doesn’t affect your mood or work performance. Try to distance yourself from your colleague when they engage in conduct like gossiping, micromanaging and harassment.
Are toxic coworkers affecting your mental health?
The impacts of toxic coworkers can be far reaching. The workplace will suffer from less productivity, engagement, risk-taking, and creativity, Silver says. And when workers are stifled in this way, they may start to feel isolated, which can influence their mental health and careers—both in the short and long term.
How do you identify a toxic coworker?
Take note of the individuals who rise up during the low moments of other coworkers. Avoid associating with a coworker who sees opportunity in leveling up or stepping into your boss’s good graces following another person’s mistake or shortcoming. When you identify a toxic coworker like this, Masini suggests, “Don’t go low with them.
