In the internet age, everyone and their dog is an expert on something. The beauty and the curse of the internet is that everyone has an opinion and is going to share it. And not only are we all going to share it, but we’re more convinced than ever of how right we are.
So I’ve come up with six basic principles to follow when giving advice. You know, because I’m so convinced of how fucking right I always am.
I think these principles are widely applicable, whether you’re helping your nephew deal with bullies at school, or critiquing some guy’s Starcraft theory on a nerd forum, or giving life advice to your brother. If you genuinely want to help someone, I recommend following these six principles when giving advice.
Giving advice is an art. When someone comes to you seeking counsel, it’s a big responsibility. Your guidance could significantly impact their choices. Follow these 10 tips to ensure the advice you provide is truly thoughtful and helpful:
1. Only Offer Advice When Asked
Unsolicited advice is rarely welcomed or effective. Wait until the person explicitly asks for your input before providing guidance. Even if you have insight to share, don’t offer advice unless explicitly requested.
Some signs advice is wanted:
- “What do you think I should do?”
- “Do you have any advice on this situation?”
- “I’d love your perspective on this problem.”
Don’t just jump in with your advice – let the person signal they’re open to it first.
2. Actively Listen First
When someone seeks your advice, start by being an engaged empathetic listener.
- Give them your full attention. Don’t look at your phone or let your mind wander.
- Make eye contact and nod to show you’re listening closely.
- Ask clarifying questions to fully understand their situation before advising.
- Reflect back what you heard in your own words.
Rushing in with advice too soon can seem dismissive. Listen actively first to grasp where guidance is needed.
3. Ask Thoughtful Questions
Before advising, ask questions to clarify details and perspective. Useful questions:
- “What factors are most important in this decision?”
- “How have you been handling this situation so far?”
- “What outcome are you hoping for?”
- “What do you think you should do?”
Thoughtful questions illuminate what advice would be most useful. They also show you aim to understand rather than judge.
4. Give Honest Advice
Offer the advice you truly think is best – don’t just say what you think the person wants to hear. Honest guidance delivered respectfully has the most value.
If your advice requires having an awkward conversation or admitting an unpopular opinion, don’t sugarcoat it. The person asked because they trust your judgment.
5. Remain Open-Minded
Don’t assume your advice is definitely right for the person. Each situation is nuanced. Listen in case they present information leading you to adjust your guidance.
6. Weigh Possibilities Together
Rather than commanding a certain course of action, have an open discussion about the pros and cons of different choices. Act as a sounding board for the person to verbalize their thinking.
- Help them analyze and reflect on all potential options.
- Talk through how the advice you’re inclined to give could play out.
- Encourage them to decide what feels right based on your dialogue.
This collaborative approach prevents you from dictating the “right” decision.
7. Make It About Them, Not You
Advice that centers your own experience rather than the person’s unique situation often rings hollow. Don’t make sweeping comparisons to your life.
Rather than saying, “When I went through this same thing I did X,” keep the focus on their needs and perspective.
8. Avoid Judging or Criticizing
Resist the urge to criticize the person’s prior actions or judge their feelings about the issue. Making them feel guilty or stupid helps no one.
Comments like “I told you this would happen” or “Why didn’t you know better?” shut down productive discussion. Maintain a blame-free zone for seeking a solution.
9. Present Advice Tactfully
How advice is delivered can determine if it’s well received. Avoid commanding or condescending tones.
Frame guidance helpfully, not dogmatically:
- “Have you considered possibly talking to your boss about this?”
- “Maybe it would help to write out the pros and cons before deciding.”
Tactful phrasing allows the person to take or leave the advice as they see fit.
10. Follow Up Later
Circle back in a few days or weeks to ask how they’re doing with the issue. Check if your advice was useful or if they need any additional counsel.
Being available for continued support demonstrates your genuine care for their well-being. The advice process doesn’t end after one conversation.
Giving advice the right way requires empathy, patience and wisdom. Avoid trying to “fix” the person or make their choice for them. Instead, illuminate their options and provide a sounding board to make the best decision for their life.
Criticize Their Actions, Not Their Character
Or as it’s more commonly known: love the sinner, hate the sin. It’s important to differentiate the actions of a person from their intentions. You’d be amazed how often people do stupid things with really noble intentions. Anyone who’s grown up with overly critical parents knows the sting of someone judging your character based on some mistake you made.
Bad Advice Example: In response to a guy saying something creepy to a woman.
Meet Them Where They Are, Not Where You Are
It’s difficult for many of us to step outside of ourselves and to imagine the place others may be stuck in. Many of us have the tendency to project our own issues and successes onto others even when it’s not warranted. Giving advice based on your life situation and not theirs is ineffective at best and embarrassing at worst.
Bad Advice Example: In response to someone talking about a petty argument with their sister.
How to Give Advice: Top 3 Rules
How helpful is advice?
With just a few crafty sentences, people can feel wise and caring and helpful all at the same time. The confidence and conviction of the adviser, however, is a very poor gauge of how helpful the advice is going to be. Advice that is judged to be good will involve far more listening, learning, and questioning than telling or guiding.
Should you give advice?
Giving advice can be a delicate process. On the one hand, you want to be helpful and offer support. On the other hand, you don’t want to be presumptuous or come across as judgmental. If you’re not careful, you might end up doing more harm than good. To avoid this, follow these expert tips for giving advice.
What does it mean to take advice from someone?
“To take advice from someone is to agree to be influenced by them.” Sometimes when people don’t take advice, they’re rejecting the idea of being controlled by the advice-giver more than anything. Nevertheless, it’s understandable to want to help when we see people struggling or in pain. It feels good to give direction.
How do you give advice?
It’s important to be specific when giving advice. Vague recommendations can lead to confusion. When offering advice, make sure that your recommendations are clear and concise. This will help ensure that your advice is followed and that it has the desired effect.
