School counselors and teachers tasked with writing letters of recommendation for eager college-bound seniors would likely agree that the job, although a welcomed honor, is a labor of love. Educators spend countless hours drafting detailed and personalized letters on behalf of students in order to support their achievements. Often, letters are crafted with ease, knowing that the student’s countless achievements, accolades, and leadership skills speak for themselves. In other situations, recommenders must dig a bit deeper to write about a student as they were observed on their best day. This comes with knowing that a student is continuing to develop into a stronger version of themselves but maybe aren’t quite there just yet.
But what should a recommender do if they don’t feel they could draft even that type of letter? In this article we will outline the purpose behind a college letter of recommendation, situations in which an educator may decline to write on a student’s behalf, and how to best handle this less-than-ideal situation if faced with it.
Being asked to write a letter of recommendation is an honor. It means a student respects your opinion and thinks you can provide insights to support their candidacy. However, situations arise where you may need to politely decline writing a recommendation letter for a student.
Declining to write a letter can be awkward. You don’t want to hurt the student’s feelings or damage your relationship. With care and tact, you can decline while still supporting the student. Follow these tips to gracefully decline writing a recommendation letter:
Respond Promptly
Don’t ignore or avoid a student’s request for a recommendation letter. Replying promptly shows respect for the student and the application deadline they are facing.
Aim to respond within a week of the request, if possible. A quick reply allows the student time to ask someone else if you can’t provide a letter.
Send a Written Response
Decline the request for a recommendation letter in writing even if you’ve already discussed it in person with the student. A written response provides clarity and prevents any miscommunication.
Email is fine for declining to write a letter. Just make sure your message has a professional tone.
Provide a Specific Reason
Give the student a straightforward, honest reason why you can’t write the letter. Vague excuses won’t suffice. Be clear about exactly why you need to decline.
Some examples of specific reasons:
-
You lack experience working with the student in the capacity required for the application.
-
You don’t feel you could provide a positive endorsement for the student’s candidacy,
-
You have taken an extended leave and are unavailable to write letters right now.
Avoid generic explanations like being “too busy.” If possible, offer alternatives like recommending a different professor who could write the letter.
Suggest Other Options
Even if you can’t write the letter, explore other ways you can assist with the student’s application. Offer to:
-
Provide a quote or testimonial: Highlight the student’s qualities without writing a full letter.
-
Connect the student to other references: Recommend professors, advisors or employers who could write on their behalf.
-
Review draft materials: Look over the student’s resume or essays and provide feedback.
-
Discuss talking points: Brainstorm strengths the student can emphasize in interviews.
-
Provide career counseling: Have an honest discussion about the student’s options and prospects for the position or program.
Express Gratitude
Let the student know you appreciate them considering you for the recommendation letter. Thank them for the confidence they placed in you by making the request.
Even though you can’t write the full letter, validate that the student saw you as a mentor. This gratitude will take some of the sting out of your refusal.
Follow Up Afterwards
Check in with the student once they’ve had time to request a letter from someone else. See if there is any other way you can assist with their application moving forward.
Your willingness to continue supporting the student shows your declining the letter wasn’t personal. It strengthens your professional relationship.
Be Ready to Provide an Alternative
Have a standard list of other professors, advisors and professionals who might be appropriate alternatives if you decline a recommendation request.
That way, you can immediately provide names of others who could write the letter instead of you. Quick alternatives demonstrate your ongoing support.
Decline Early Enough to Allow Time
If possible, let the student know at least two weeks before the application deadline that you can’t provide a letter. This gives adequate time to request a recommendation from another source before the due date.
Giving the student sufficient notice also allows you to thoughtfully consider the request before refusing. Rushed turndowns appear insensitive.
Avoid Procrastination
Don’t put off responding to the request until the last minute. The longer you wait, the more anxious it makes the student.
Reply reasonably soon after receiving the request. Declining closer to the application deadline looks irresponsible on your part.
Be Direct but Kind
Polite yet unambiguous language ensures your declination is received appropriately. Don’t hint that you might not provide a letter – clearly state you are unable to write one.
Cushion the refusal by expressing confidence in the student’s skills and emphasizing alternate ways you can assist them. Directness with empathy preserves the relationship.
Focus on the Student
Keep the emphasis on what is best for the student, not your own workload or preferences. Explain that you cannot provide the depth of positive recommendation the student deserves for this particular opportunity.
“I don’t have time” makes it about you. “I can’t offer the specific insights this letter requires” makes it about the student’s best interest.
Provide Context If Appropriate
If there are extenuating circumstances behind why you can’t write the letter, you can share a brief explanation without oversharing. For example, “Due to a family medical situation this month, I am unable to take on letter writing.”
Tasteful context diminishes the impression you are declining arbitrarily or carelessly.
Maintain Confidentiality
It is unethical to discuss the declination with anyone besides the student. Respect privacy and avoid mentioning the request to the student’s peers or other faculty.
Violating confidentiality damages trust. If you feel the need to consult anyone, speak in generalities without identifying details.
Consider Writing in the Future
Let the student know that while you can’t write a letter now, you would be open to supporting future applications. Recommend touching base again for those opportunities when you can provide a better endorsement.
This demonstrates your refusal doesn’t reflect a lack of confidence overall in the student’s potential. It provides hope for enhanced recommendations down the road.
Don’t Make Absolute Statements
Be careful about definitive refusals like “I won’t write you any letter.” Allow for changing circumstances that could enable you to write a letter later, even if you can’t now.
Absolutes sever the possibility. Using language like “at this time” or “currently” leaves the door open for reconsideration.
Reflect on Your Availability
Take some time after declining a request to ponder your bandwidth for future letters. Consider whether you need to be more judicious in how many recommendations you agree to per application cycle.
Being realistic now protects you and your students. Reliably fulfilling commitments preserves your credibility and their opportunities.
Avoid Pattern of Declines
While an occasional “no” is understandable, repeatedly refusing recommendation requests signals issues. If you find you are declining more letters than you are writing, examine why.
Frequent turndowns suggest the need to reset expectations, improve time management or foster stronger student relationships warranting endorsements.
Seek Alternatives If Uncomfortable
If declining feels awkward because you legitimately cannot endorse the student, guide them to ask someone who can affirmatively support their candidacy. Don’t leave them without recommendations.
Referring them elsewhere prevents providing a lukewarm letter that jeopardizes their application. Honestly evaluate whether recusing yourself is warranted.
Declining to write a recommendation letter can be a delicate situation requiring finesse and compassion. With care for the student’s interests and future prospects, you can politely refuse while sustaining your professional relationship. With the tips above, you can deliver refusal in a manner that leaves everyone’s dignity intact.
Why an educator may decline a request for a letter of recommendation:
Now, to be clear, having to decline a request for a letter or recommendation doesn’t happen often. Even in the most trying of student experiences, many educators can, once again, find a way to reflect on a student’s ability and potential. But, on the off chance that an educator is faced with having to decline a request, it’s most important that they do so in a way that allows all parties involved to still feel good about the situation. Here are just some reasons why a recommender may decline a request:
- Lacking in the ‘Gold Star’ department: Many students have their strengths and areas in which they are working to improve. But, if a recommender has only observed a student in their weaker season with little evidence of concerted effort to progress, it is incredibly difficult to write an endorsement. For example, a student is perpetually tardy and/or unprepared for class, submits assignments late or not at all, is not engaged in classroom discussions, or is often disrespectful in other ways – these are all viable reasons as to why a recommendation request will not be accepted.
- Late on a very important date: Deadlines exist for a reason – they allow for timely planning and execution. Recommenders may give students a deadline by which a request must be submitted. This allows the recommender to plan accordingly, granting them the time needed to produce strong letters of support. Once the deadline has passed, a student has drastically decreased their chances of obtaining that particular endorsement. Often, school recommenders have received 20, 30, or 40+ requests, and can and will refuse to oblige students who sought their support past the deadline.
- Not enough information about the candidate: Generally, college admission officers are looking for recommendations written by junior year teachers – the most mature and full year of high school prior to submitting college applications. However, in some cases, a student may seek support from a senior year instructor. This is especially challenging for a teacher who has only known the candidate for a few short months prior to the BIG November 1st college application deadline. Not having had adequate time to obverse a student in their classroom makes it impossible for the educator to advocate on their behalf, especially in a 1- 2 page detailed letter. The teacher may welcome a Q&A session with the student in order to learn more about them, but nothing truly replaces the experience of having worked with a student for a full academic year.
The purpose behind a college letter of recommendation:
The question often arises – “Do admission counselors really read these letters?” The answer is YES. As it relates to college applications, the purpose behind reading a letter of recommendation is to learn about the student through a holistic lens, outside of the concrete GPA and test scores. Admission officers are looking for character, leadership, intellectual curiosity, and more through shared anecdotes – essentially admission officers want to learn about who the student is within their current community and how they may contribute to their college community. It is within these letters and college essays that the student comes to life.
You’re asking for letters of rec WRONG
Should I decline a student’s recommendation letter?
Though some educators may feel an obligation to write a student’s recommendation letter, it is appropriate to decline a request politely for certain reasons. Here are a few of those reasons explained:
Why does a recommender refuse a letter of recommendation?
Here are a few of those reasons explained: Lack of knowledge about the candidate’s abilities: A recommender may decline a student’s request to write a letter of recommendation if they don’t know enough about the student’s abilities to endorse them.
Is it OK to decline a recommendation?
Sometimes you’ll get a recommendation request that you know is wrong for you. That’s just fine. The most important thing to remember is: If you can’t write a strong recommendation letter, always decline.
What if a student requests a letter of recommendation?
If a student requests a letter of recommendation from you late in an application season, you may not have enough time to dedicate to writing their letter. You can explain this to the student and offer to help them search for an alternative recommender. Here’s an example letter using this reasoning:
