Rude customers can really kill your vibe. They absorb your energy, darken your view of other customers and diminish your job satisfaction. If you let them.
There are many types of difficult customers. We’ve already dedicated posts to angry customers and the hardest customer service scenarios , including customers who display racism or sexism, hit on you, troll you, or are outright aggressive.
All of these people are rude. But they also clearly cross a line, justifying a reaction from your side. Your average rude customer, however, is more slick. They subtly wear you down but not enough to be dropped by your business. Theyre common, too, as countless exhibits of rude customers on Reddit illustrate.
You’d probably love to refuse rude customers with a simple turn of your thumb, like a Roman emperor. But Marcus Aurelius, one of the great advocates of the philosophical school of Stoicism, shows us that there are more reasonable ways to handle them.
Here are some proven, partly-ancient strategies to deal with rude customers and protect yourself from harm.
Dealing with difficult customers is an unfortunate inevitability in customer service roles. Even the most patient rep will eventually encounter rude, insulting, aggressive, or dismissive people.
When faced with an extremely impolite customer, it’s natural to get frustrated or angry. But maintaining composure and professionalism is crucial, even if the customer is outright hostile.
Follow this comprehensive guide to effectively handle rude customers and deescalate tensions. With the right mindset and tactics, you can redirect negative interactions and preserve your company’s reputation.
Understanding Why Customers Get Rude
Before diving into dealing with rude customers, it helps to understand why some act so poorly in the first place. Common reasons include:
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They’re upset about an issue – Service problems, shipping delays, damaged orders, billing errors—these legimately frustrate customers. Their rudeness may stem from an underlying problem.
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They feel ignored – Customers who feel overlooked or believe their issue isn’t being addressed can quickly get rude to demand attention.
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Stress or anxiety – External factors like a bad day or stressful personal situation may put customers on edge, causing them to overreact.
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Perceived injustice – Customers convinced they were treated unfairly or wrongly denied become indignant and lash out.
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Lack of social skills – Some people simply have poor manners and act rude out of ignorance, not malice.
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Cultural differences – What’s considered impolite in one culture may be more acceptable in another. Misunderstandings happen.
While these explanations don’t excuse rude behavior, remembering that it often arises from deeper issues can help you empathize and stay calm.
Don’t Take Rudeness Personally
A key mindset when facing rude customers is recognizing their behavior reflects their circumstances, not you personally.
A customer insulting you, swearing, making unreasonable demands—it’s almost certainly not about you. They’re just venting about things bothering them.
Don’t take their comments to heart. Don’t get defensive or respond in kind. Their words reveal their state of mind, not your abilities. Keep emotionally detached and stay constructive.
Always Start With Active Listening
When encountering a rude customer, let them speak and fully express their frustration before you respond. Listen actively:
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Give them your complete focus. Don’t get distracted or cut them off.
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Allow silence as needed while they talk. Don’t interrupt.
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Nod to show you’re listening and absorbing their words. Make eye contact if in person.
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Paraphrase their statements to confirm understanding. “So what I’m hearing is that…”
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Ask clarifying questions only after they finish to get any missing details about the issue.
Active listening accomplishes several things:
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It lets customers vent their emotions and feel heard. This alone can calm them.
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It gives you crucial information to identify the root problem.
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It shows customers you care about what they’re saying, diffusing tension.
Listening attentively to rude customers is the first step toward resolution.
Apologize Sincerely If Warranted
After a rude customer explains an issue, if it’s evident the company or you personally made a mistake that understandably upset them, offer a sincere apology.
Saying a simple “I apologize for…” with empathy can immediately alter an interaction’s tone. It shows you don’t take their frustration lightly.
Follow apologies with constructive steps. An apology without action feels meaningless. Back it up by solving problems presented.
Repeat the Issue Back
Before resolving matters, politely repeat their issue back to confirm you fully understand the situation from their perspective:
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“So let me make sure I have this right…”
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“You were upset because…”
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“I want to ensure I fully capture your concerns…”
This shows customers you were genuinely listening and prevents misinterpretations. It also forces rude customers to hear how unreasonable they may sound at times.
Avoid Defensiveness
Never get defensive or make excuses, even if the customer is clearly overreacting or at fault themselves. That will only escalate things.
Phrases to avoid:
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“Well, if you had just done X in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened.”
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“I’m doing the best I can here.”
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“You’re going to need to lower your voice.”
Stay solution-focused. Explain next steps without assigning blame. Refocus on fixing the issue, not debating who’s right.
Set Boundaries Firmly But Politely
While avoiding defensiveness, you must set clear boundaries regarding unacceptable behavior:
- Rude insults must cease
- Violent threats are not tolerated
- Yelling or aggression must stop
State these firmly and unequivocally, but always politely. Make it about the behavior, not the person. Say you want to help but cannot accept mistreatment.
If they persist, warn them the interaction will end unless terms are followed. Be prepared to get a supervisor or security involved if needed for safety.
Offer Helpful Options
Present all potential options, policies, or remedies applicable to the situation that you’re authorized to provide.
Avoid saying no or shutting down requests unless completely unreasonable. Frame options positively:
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“Typically in this situation we can…”
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“What I can offer you today is…”
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“Some possibilities that may help resolve this are…”
The more empowered customers feel to choose a solution, the more their mood improves. Offer choices, not ultimatums.
Bring in a Supervisor If Needed
If a rude customer remains angry and impossible to satisfy, explain politely that you’ve provided all options you can, and ask if they would like to speak to a supervisor or manager to explore additional alternatives.
This gives them a feeling of escalation and shows you’re eager to address their concerns at higher levels if necessary.
Follow Up Afterwards
Once an immediate issue with a rude customer is resolved, follow up later by phone or email to:
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Thank them for their patience and understanding
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Verify they’re now fully satisfied
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See if there’s anything else you can do
This thoughtful extra touch often surprises customers and transforms them into promoters. It turns a negative into a positive.
Don’t Gossip About Customers
Avoid the temptation to gossip to coworkers about your rude customers after. Take the high road. Vent your frustrations privately.
Mocking or ridiculing customers to coworkers risks damaging their reputation along with your company’s. Handle tensions professionally.
Useful Phrases for Dealing with Rude Customers
Here are helpful phrases to use and avoid when facing rude and aggressive customers:
DO SAY:
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“I apologize this situation has upset you so much. Let’s see how I can help…”
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“I want to fully understand the problem so I can find the best possible solution.”
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“I know this is frustrating. Please bear with me while we fix this.”
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“Your business is important to us. How may I improve our service?”
DON’T SAY:
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“You’re going to need to calm down if you want help.”
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“If you’re going to use language like that, this call will end immediately.”
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“I’m doing the best I can.”
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“You’re just going to need to accept the policy.”
Managing Your Own Emotions
To stay calm and professional with rude customers, manage your own emotions carefully:
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Breathe – Consciously inhale and exhale slowly to still inner turmoil.
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Pause – Give yourself extra time to process situations without immediately reacting.
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Visualize – Picture resolving the issue peacefully to prime yourself mentally.
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Vent – Speak privately to a coworker or supervisor after to express your feelings.
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Reflect – Consider how you might improve interactions next time.
Handling customers’ difficult emotions starts with regulating your own. Be self-aware and purposeful in maintaining composure.
Choosing Your Words Carefully
Word choice greatly impacts tone. Even when frustrated, speak to rude customers with respect:
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Form Polite Phrases – “Could you help me understand…”, “Let me double check I have this right…”
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Avoid Exaggerations – Stick with factual statements, not extreme characterizations.
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Steer Clear of Sarcasm – It will only make matters worse.
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Say It Sincerely – Customers detect fake sincerity. Half-hearted apologies don’t help.
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Watch Your Speed and Volume – Speak slowly, calmly and softly to ease tensions.
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No Threats – Expressing threats like “Do X or else I’ll…” quickly backfires.
Polite, thoughtful, and sincere communication prevents inflaming situations further.
Handling Unreasonable Demands
When customers insist on unreasonable resolutions, politely stand firm:
- **Explain why demands can’t be
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This issue is particularly prevalent in written communication. Here, the visual and audible elements of communication, like facial expression and tonality, are missing. If your counterpart doesn’t use emoji to make up for that, you’re left guessing.
To make things worse, a psychological mechanism often tips the scale in favor of a negative appraisal when communication is ambiguous. It’s called the negativity bias.
When you’re the recipient of the message, you need to be on the lookout against this. In his post on remote work, Gregory Ciotti recommends to assume miscommunication over ill intent . And if the customer really seems to consciously push the envelope with his wording, keep Hanlon’s Razor in mind, which suggests that you shouldn’t “attribute to malice,” what is “adequately explained by stupidity.”
There are more forms of miscommunication that can lead to ambiguity and false attribution of rudeness, like poor speaking and listening skills, jargon and cultural diversity .
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Your exact choice of words can go a long way towards that. In his bestseller “Thank You for Arguing,” author Jay Heinrich recommends switching to the future tense whenever you’re arguing with someone.
This rhetorical technique is based on Aristotle’s famous work “Rhetoric.” It suggests that as soon as you switch to future tense, you leave the discussion about who’s right or wrong and start working on a solution. It contrasts favorably against the past tense, which is concerned with blame, and the present tense, which is concerned with values. We see the latter two in derailed political debates all too often.
If they’re in the wrong , the rudeness is a symptom, too, but not one you’re actually responsible for. The best practice here is to politely ask what they would like you to do now. Often this simple question already blows a rude customer’s cover. They either turn quiet because all they wanted was to lash out and provoke you, or they start making unreasonable requests that are easy to decline.
Even if it seems counterintuitive to let rudeness go unchallenged, most often that’s the way to go. It might not satisfy your sense of justice, but if there’s a cause, then there’s a cure – that’s what you should focus on.
How to Handle Rude Customers Listen and Understand
How to deal with rude customers?
In the meantime, you can also speak to your manager about this issue and get their guidance on dealing with rude customers. While being in a customer-centric business, remember that giving the best service to the customer is of paramount importance. But there has to be a limit too that you must set.
How do you deal with troublesome customers?
Dealing with troublesome customers can be incredibly taxing for support staff. Consider your own emotions the last time you had to deal with a difficult person or situation. Chances are, you needed to take a moment to recompose yourself. You and your contact agents need this kind of downtime too.
How do you deal with a frustrated customer?
Try and hear (or read) what the customer is truly upset about, without interrupting them. Express empathy and show them that you understand their frustration. Offer a heartfelt apology, even if you did nothing wrong. Do whatever it takes to resolve the issue, without being afraid to ask the customer what they feel the best resolution would be.
