Dealing with rude or discourteous coworkers is one of the most frustrating parts of any job. Their snide remarks inappropriate jokes constant interruptions, and other unpleasant behaviors can really wear you down over time. But you don’t have to just grin and bear it. Use these 12 strategies to professionally address rude coworkers and maintain your own positivity.
Recognizing Rude Behaviors at Work
Before diving into strategies let’s first define what actually constitutes rude behavior in the workplace. Some examples include
- Making insults or using offensive language
- Taking credit for someone else’s work
- Asking intrusive personal questions
- Showing up late consistently without notifying others
- Texting or taking personal calls during meetings
- Making distracting noises in shared spaces
- Microwaving smelly foods in a common area
- Borrowing items without permission or returning them
- Spreading gossip or malicious rumors
- Ignoring colleagues or excluding them from activities
Pay attention to patterns of these types of discourteous actions. Don’t write someone off based on a single incident, as we all have bad days But consistent rudeness or meanness is unacceptable
Why You Should Address Rude Coworkers
It’s tempting to just ignore rude colleagues and hope the problem goes away. But unaddressed incivility tends to escalate, negatively impacting you and the whole team. Dealing with it professionally is better for your mental health and your career. Benefits include:
- Prevents escalation to more aggressive behaviors
- Reduces your own stress by addressing the issue
- Models polite behavior for the office culture
- Shows leadership abilities by handling conflicts maturely
- Helps preserve working relationships before they deteriorate
- Makes the work environment more pleasant for everyone
Bottom line—although it’s uncomfortable, speaking up about rude conduct teaches others how you expect to be treated with respect.
12 Strategies for Handling Rude Coworkers
When you encounter consistent rudeness from colleagues, use these approaches to deal with it professionally:
1. Don’t stoop to their level.
As tempting as it might be to snap back with your own rude comments, resist indulging this impulse! Staying civil keeps the high ground and prevents you from sinking to their level.
2. Speak privately to the person.
Schedule a one-on-one chat with the rude coworker. Calmly explain their behavior you find troubling and its impact on you and the team. Ask if they can refrain from these actions.
3. Be specific with examples.
When discussing their behavior, provide concrete examples like, “Yesterday when you interrupted me in the staff meeting, it didn’t allow me to finish presenting. Please don’t interrupt me when I’m speaking to the group.”
4. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
Approach the conversation assuming positive intent, not malice. There may be underlying reasons for their conduct.
5. Use “I feel” statements.
When pointing out problems, use “I feel…” phrases. Saying “I feel belittled when you tease me in front of others” is less accusatory than “You’re belittling me!”
6. Pick your battles.
While consistency is key, not every minor perceived slight needs to be addressed. Decide which behaviors are disruptive or damaging enough to confront.
7. Lean on your support system.
Vent (politely) to trusted co-workers or friends. This releases emotions before addressing the conflict directly.
8. Kill them with kindness.
Kill their rudeness with courtesy and grace. Set the example of polite behavior you wish to see.
9. Limit time together.
Until problems improve, limit your interactions. Communicate only as needed for the job via email or in neutral settings with others present.
10. Walk away when tensions escalate.
If a confrontation becomes heated, politely withdraw by saying you would like to continue the discussion when cooler heads prevail. Follow up later.
11. Document everything.
Keep written records of rude interactions, noting dates, times, witnesses, and details. This creates a paper trail if things escalate.
12. Involve leadership or HR if needed.
If you’ve directly addressed behaviors but seen no change, loop in your manager or HR about the ongoing issues. Provide documentation.
With patience and professionalism, you can often improve colleague relationships. But if certain individuals remain problematic despite your best efforts, don’t hesitate to report them. You deserve to work in an environment free from hostility.
Setting Yourself Up for Success
In addition to confronting rude conduct directly, you can take proactive steps to discourage incivility and enhance professionalism on your team:
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Model exceptional behavior. Demonstrate courtesy, patience, respect, and maturity in all your interactions. Be the example, even if others are not.
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Document issues promptly. Don’t wait to record problems as they occur. Details become fuzzy over time, so write down specifics right away.
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Practice self-care. Make time for healthy stress relief through exercise, socializing, relaxing hobbies, therapy, or other outlets. This gives you resilience.
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Discuss expectations. Have periodic team talks about standards of respectful conduct. Review policies and acceptable communication methods.
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Call out rudeness immediately. When you witness rude behavior directed at others, speak up right away. Say, “Derogatory language won’t be tolerated here. Please don’t speak that way again.”
With your own professionalism and support from leadership, you can dramatically improve civility. Don’t allow others’ rude behaviors to continue unchecked. Addressing issues promptly, calmly, and directly can make a world of difference for the whole team’s morale and productivity.
FAQs About Handling Rude Coworker Situations
Here are answers to some frequently asked questions about managing discourteous colleagues:
What if my boss is the rude coworker?
This is tricky, but still address it professionally. Speak to your boss directly first. If no change, consult HR for guidance on managing the issue.
What if they become more rude after I speak up?
Hopefully they will modify their behavior once aware it’s unacceptable. But if things escalate, go to leadership right away for help addressing the retaliation.
What if they deny being rude?
Calmly point to specific examples you have documented and reiterate the impact. Suggest working together to improve professionalism. If denied, work your way up the chain of command.
What if I suspect racism, sexism, or other biases?
Discrimination should always be reported immediately to HR. Address only your own experiences, not patterns against others.
What if my coworker won’t accept my apology?
If you’ve been rude and a colleague rejects your apology, honor their boundaries. Work on rebuilding trust through consistent consideration over time.
What if my job requires working closely with them?
Set clear parameters like preferred communication methods and rules of engagement. Loop in your manager to help monitor interactions.
What if I lose my temper when confronting them?
Don’t address issues when emotions are running high. Give yourself time to cool down before any discussion so you can remain professional.
What if I just want to quit to avoid the conflict?
Leaving a job may seem simpler, but conflicts exist everywhere. Address issues properly to gain skills handling workplace challenges in the future.
Maintaining a Respectful Workplace Culture
With some concerted effort and courageous conversations, you can play a significant role in cultivating an office culture of mutual respect. Model courteous behavior, speak up when conduct crosses the line, lean on leadership for support, and don’t hesitate to report persistent incivility.
By nipping rudeness in the bud quickly and professionally, you help create a dignified work environment. With clearly communicated expectations, most colleagues will rise to meet respectful standards. And addressing issues promptly can prevent situations from deteriorating.
While instilling change is challenging, it’s worth doing your part to maintain a supportive, harassment-free workplace. Set boundaries, stand up for yourself and others, and don’t allow rudeness to become the norm. Use these strategies to handle even the most discourteous coworkers in a gracious, effective way.
Even in the best workplace, you can still encounter coworkers who are consistently rude or inconsiderate to others.
The average person spends 90 000 hours at work during their lifetime, so the likelihood is at some point you will work with someone who you don’t get along with.
Spending so much time at work also means we are also spending a whole lot of time with our coworkers. When you first start a new job, your colleagues are strangers to you, but with time, often staff form strong relationships, in and out of the office.
Even when the majority of the team are positive and working together effectively, it only takes one person to bring the mood down. And unfortunately, this can have a negative effect on everyone’s productivity, focus, ability to collaborate and overall well-being – unsurprisingly this means a lower quality of work and a higher chance of making mistakes.
Examples of rude behaviour in the workplace
- Insulting or using derogatory language
- Taking credit for someone else’s work
- Asking inappropriate/intrusive questions
- Speaking over others
- Texting in meetings/when being spoken to
- Passive aggressive emails
- Leaving mess in shared spaces
- Borrowing things and not returning them
- Eating other people’s food
