Preparing for Your Christian Counselor Interview: 8 Crucial Questions to Ask

3 Questions to Ask a Counselor Before You Get StartedHow to discern if he or she is the right person to counsel you

Women face unique issues in leadership, and it’s okay to meet with a counselor to work through them. In my role as a ministry leader at a Christian college, I found myself in tears as I described to a colleague the significant toll the ministry I coordinate takes on me. She gently pointed out that we can experience vicarious trauma as we minister to others. Vicarious trauma is “the emotional residue of exposure [that helpers have] from working with people as they are hearing their trauma and become witnesses to the pain, fear, and terror that trauma survivors have endured.” I know you wear many hats as a ministry leader, but “bearing witness to [your congregation’s] pain, fear, and terror” is probably one of your most important responsibilities. Counseling is a wise option for mitigating burnout and cultivating lasting, life-giving practices to help you flourish in your ministry role.

But what happens once we decide to go to counseling? What should that first phone call sound like? How can you tell if a counselor is qualified to help you with the unique problems you’re facing in ministry?

A new counseling relationship usually starts with an email that says something like, “Dear Rebecca, My pastor gave me your name as a possible counselor.” “Do you have time to start counseling?” In the precious time between getting that email and setting up a call, I pray for both of us to be wise and clear-headed as we try to start a meaningful helping relationship. Setting up a time to talk on the phone, I call a possible new counseling client’s number, looking forward to the conversation that lies ahead. These talks are holy grounds for hospitality; they give you a chance to meet another bearer in need, distress, grief, or anger.

The purpose of this first meeting is to find out if you and this possible counselor are a good fit and if they can help you in good ways. To determine this, there are three questions you should ask a potential counselor.

There are a lot of different training and background paths for counselors. Their methods are based on how they think people should change, heal, and grow. Listen to your counselor’s answer; he or she is answering with his or her theology of change. Write down words like “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy,” “psychoanalytic tendencies,” or “biblical counseling,” look them up on Google, and start reading. You do not need to become an expert in the various kinds of therapies. You should instead just check to see if the type of therapy the counselor uses fits with how you think about change.

Another way to look at it is this: what events in your life with the Lord have made a difference? For example, as Christians, our lives are often changed by intentional activities like prayer, worship, and Bible study. These practices are not just things to do, but the way we open ourselves to God. They don’t have to live the same life as you, but will they value these things the same way you do? Will they be open to finding creative ways to include these things in the counseling process?

God has given us all sorts of people and methods to be helpful. The Holy Spirit is not bound to one form of counseling methodology. Instead, you’ll need to find one that reflects your theology of change.

During one intake call, a woman asked about my counseling framework, and I shared my methodology. She was honest about the fact that my method made her feel bad because she had a bad experience with it before. So, we prayed together and I sent her a list of referrals for other counselors. Giving feedback on what you want is not something that will get in the way of building a healthy counseling relationship; in fact, it will be a huge help. I felt nothing but admiration and hope for the woman I spoke with that day.

This is a pretty common search for people in ministry: they want to find a biblical counselor who will base their conversations on the person and work of Jesus Christ and the Bible. Of course, there are exceptions. If you have a serious mental illness or are going to an inpatient facility, you might decide not to work with a biblical counselor. These exceptions usually come when medication or a larger treatment team is needed. A lot of biblical counselors work out of churches, while other counselors and therapists are more likely to work out of medical practices that offer full treatment.

As ministry leaders, we know better than most the danger of practicing in isolation. The same is true of counselors and therapists. Unfortunately, it’s common for counselors to be disconnected from each other and the church. If the counselor you’re thinking about has a faith-based background, find out how they feel about working with or being supervised by the local church. Consider asking about who and what kind of spiritual authority is speaking into his or her life. This does not mean that your counselor must prove how churchy or connected he or she is. This question is meant to get your potential counselor to talk about how he or she doesn’t like being alone. Your counselor is shaped by the people they turn to for help and support, and this will affect how you work together.

I spend at least three hours a week in supervision, consultation, or group conversations with counselors who are more experienced and wise than me. Besides that, I have a lot of informal supportive habits that help me help the clients I work with. These include Bible study, going to church on Sunday mornings, and having close friendships. I’m committed to finding the appropriate support and collaborative partnerships to sustain a meaningful counseling practice. Since you and your counselor both want to help people, it’s a good idea to know how your counselor prioritizes supervision and working with you.

Women in ministry seek out counseling for a number of reasons. There are many good reasons to start counseling, such as having dealt with anxiety or depression, a traumatic event or loss, worrying about your own or a family member’s mental health, noticing patterns of anger, wanting to know more about parenting, or any of these and more. It’s important to share your goals for counseling during this initial conversation. In other words, share why you’re seeking counseling.

Then ask your potential counselor about his or her experience with your goals. You’re not really interested in what they know when you ask this question; you want to hear how they talk about the problems you’re having. Getting help for anxiety and depression from a counselor who sends you to a psychiatrist right away gives you a better idea of how that counselor sees people who are going through anxiety and depression. To be clear, a psychiatric intervention for depression and anxiety can be based on knowledge, skill, and care, but it can also be thrown together quickly. This is where discernment is important. How did the potential counselor address your goals for counseling strike a chord with you? Aside from their experience (or lack of experience) in the areas of your goals, did the potential counselor genuinely show compassion for how you might be feeling? Did he or she thank you for sharing? Did the potential counselor show gratitude for the chance to walk with you? Think about how your first interaction with this potential counselor made you feel. See if you feel like you have a connection with the counselor. If not, this may not be the right counselor for you.

At the end of these phone calls, I tell my potential clients, “It matters if you like me. ” This might sound egotistical, but it has a different purpose rooted in humility. Let’s be honest, not every intake call results in a good connection—and that’s okay. When I say that I want my clients to like me, I let them know that they can find another counselor if they don’t connect with me or if they felt uncomfortable during our conversation. How you experience your counselor interpersonally matters. For our relationship to work, my clients must feel safe with me, both when they tell me personal stories and when they speak up for themselves. Ultimately, a counselor does not fix or give advice to effect lasting change in a client’s life. Rather, counselors cultivate an environment where meaningful insights are made and productive skills are practiced. As you can see, none of these goals will be simple or easy. However, they will be easier to accept if you like your counselor.

Often, people find me because a friend or pastor gave them my name. That endorsement is humbling and powerful. But I never think that just because someone referred me that we will be a good fit. Women ministry leaders’ work environments and reasons for seeking counseling vary. With all the responsibility that comes with being a leader, the counselor you choose should be able to answer these three questions in a way that makes you want to go through the process. I hope that as leaders of a ministry, we’re moving into times of counseling with someone we feel good spending time with. To do that, we must discern the right person to walk alongside us.

Rebecca Meyer (M.A. Counseling, Westminster Theological Seminary) counsels with Cross Care Counseling and in the Chaplains Office at Wheaton College. She lives on the South Side of Chicago with her husband, Ben. Tags:

Christian Counselor interview questions

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