In a Ted talk, Confessions of a recovering micromanager, Chieh Huang, the founder of Boxed.com, admits that he previously struggled with micromanagement and was aware that this leadership style often negatively rubbed off other team members.
This Ted talk will hit home if you have worked under a micromanaging boss.
Many often live through this experience out of fear of victimization. This needs not to be the case.
Micromanaging bosses often start with good intentions â to ensure quality, make employees feel comfortable in their new jobs, beat deadlines, etc.âbut slowly, it grows into resentment that frustrates employees and causes a high turnover rate.
Research shows that Micromanagement is rampant in todays workplace. In a survey by Trinity solutions, up to 79% of employees reported that they had experienced different forms of micromanagement.
Richard D. White, Jr., Ph.D., argues that people who micromanage tend to show a compulsive behavioral disorder similar to other addictive patterns. He states that:
People who micromanage generally do so because they feel unsure and self-doubting. Micromanagers, like many addicts and alcoholics, are the last people to recognize that they are hooked on controlling others. Extreme micromanagers behave pathologically, refusing to accept per sonal responsibility or accountability and creating scapegoats to blame for their own mistakes
Micromanagement is a management style where a manager closely observes, controls, and scrutinizes their employees work, including minor details.
Hey friends! If you’ve ever dealt with a boss, co-worker, or even friend who just can’t seem to stop micromanaging everything you do, you know how frustrating it can be. As someone who has been there, I want to share my best tips for what to say to a micromanager to set boundaries while keeping the peace.
Let’s dive in!
Defining the Micromanager
First, what exactly is a micromanager? Essentially, it’s someone who exerts excessive control over details and won’t let others have any autonomy
You know the type – constantly looking over your shoulder, telling you how to do tasks their way, obsessing over minor specifics, never delegating, etc. Not fun.
Micromanagers often act this way because they’re driven by fear and perfectionism. But their behavior can feel smothering, undermining, and even harassing.
So how do we deal? Here’s what has worked for me.
Strategy #1: Set Firm Boundaries
When you notice a micromanager invading your turf, set boundaries immediately but calmly.
You can say something like: “I appreciate you wanting to help, but I’ve got this covered. I’ll let you know if I need any guidance.”
If it’s your manager, tell them nicely that you can handle the task and just need some space: “I understand the importance of getting this right. I have a plan in place and promise to deliver quality work on schedule.”
Then suggest periodic check-ins so they feel looped in.
Strategy #2: Explain How It’s Affecting You
If the behavior continues despite boundaries, it’s time for an honest convo about impact.
To a friend you can say: “It stresses me out when you try to control how I do everything, down to minor details. I end up feeling angry and want to avoid working with you.”
For a colleague: “When you redo my work your way without asking, it makes me feel untrusted and demotivated. I want us to collaborate, not compete.”
And for a boss: “I want to do my best work, but the detailed daily updates take time away from the actual project. Could we touch base weekly instead so I can focus on delivery?”
Strategy #3: Get Curious About Their Motivations
Getting insight into what drives their behavior can help you address those needs directly.
You can gently ask questions like:
“What is your biggest concern about delegating this task?”
“How can I earn more of your trust when it comes to this project?”
“How can I help you feel more at ease about my approach?”
Their answers can guide you in providing whatever combination of communication, process updates, and reassurance would leave them feeling more relaxed about giving you breathing room.
Strategy #4: Involve a Neutral Third Party
If it’s a supervisor or colleague micromanaging you at work, you may need to loop in HR or your shared manager.
Explain how it’s impacting your work and morale and see if they can mediate a conversation to resolve it. They can back you up in setting reasonable boundaries.
And for a relationship, seek counseling together so an impartial third party can facilitateproductive communication and compromise.
Strategy #5: Create Distance as a Last Resort
Of course, sometimes despite your best efforts, the micromanager just won’t budge. If their behavior is truly harming your productivity or mental health, you may need to limit contact or even walk away entirely from the job, friendship, or relationship.
As much as possible, make this call from a place of self-care rather than anger. Space and separation can be what’s healthiest for you both in the long run.
Other Helpful Phrases
Here are a few more specific phrases that can be handy for responding to a micromanager in the moment:
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“I appreciate your input. I’d like to try this my way first.”
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“I think I understand the task based on our discussion. I’ll reach out if I have any other questions.”
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“I may do this differently than you, but I’m confident I can get a good result.”
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“I’d rather not go through every minor detail. Let’s just focus on the big picture objectives.”
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“I want us both to feel good about how this goes. How can we build more trust?”
Do’s and Don’ts
And when communicating with a micromanager, some dos and don’ts include:
DO:
- Stay calm and professional
- Focus on your needs and impact
- Be a broken record with boundaries
- Involve others if needed
DON’T:
- Get angry or defensive
- Make it personal
- Cede control altogether
- Expect overnight change
With the right strategies and phrases, you can set reasonable boundaries and even gain a micromanager’s trust over time.
The goal is to protect your autonomy and sanity without burning bridges. Easier said than done, I know! But with some practice, you’ll get better at handling these tricky situations.
Three-step Process to Telling Your Boss to Stop Micromanaging
Telling your boss to stop micromanaging you can be a daunting task. If not handled well, it might result in bad blood. However, when well managed, it leads to effective management and boosts the whole teams morale.
Here is a three-part process to guide you:
Why Do Bosses Micromanage?
There are several reasons why bosses may micromanage their employees:
- Lack of trust: A micromanaging boss may not trust their employees to effectively deliver on an assigned task. This might be due to inbuilt micromanagement tendencies, past disappointments, absence of emotional intelligence, or not wanting to redo the job(this applies when handling sensitive jobs with little room for errors).
- Perfectionism: Many micromanagers want every projects detail to be done precisely as they would want it. Whereas great bosses give room to their team to show excellence in delivering almost perfect work, perfectionists, on the other hand, kill the confidence of their team, and their excellent delivery might not be good enough for the manager.
- Control issues: Some bosses may enjoy the power and control of micromanaging their team. Control issues might manifest in the following ways: wanting to know where employees are doing even outside work, being the know-it-all type, treating people as pawns, etc.
- Lack of delegation skills: Some bosses may not know how to delegate tasks effectively or may not trust their employees to handle delegated tasks. This may be due to a lack of leadership training, fear of disappointment, low productivity in their team, or simply wanting to do everything.
- Insecurity: A boss may feel threatened by their employees abilities or knowledge and may micromanage to maintain a sense of superiority. To such bosses, offering more control is akin to exposing who they are.
When a boss knows that their own ability might not measure to specific employees, they might be preoccupied with micromanagement.
MY BOSS IS A MICROMANAGER | How to deal with micromanagers
Should you say micromanaging?
Don’t use the word “micromanaging.” Most people don’t respond well when accused of being a micromanager. Instead of saying, “You’re micromanaging me,” you could say, “It’s been tough to get work done on time when I’m also preparing daily updates for you. Could we look for a solution together?”
How do you deal with micromanagers?
Here are a few ways for you to help you deal with micromanagers: Take some time to evaluate your work ethic before approaching your boss about their micromanaging behavior. Consider whether there are any reasons why your boss feels the need to keep a close eye on you.
How do you deal with a micromanaging boss?
Initiate open conversations: Your boss may not know they are micromanaging you until you approach them. Use the script ideas above to respectfully initiate a conversation that will build a better relationship with your boss and help them understand where you are coming from.
How do you know if your boss is a micromanager?
Micromanagers are always around. Every time you look up, the boss happens to be nearby. Perhaps checking the paper in the printer or rifling through a cabinet. Maybe stopping to chat or glancing your way after talking with a colleague. Constantly taking the route that leads past your desk.
