Several people came back to me and asked me to write about the other side of this problem — when your boss stays so high level that they don’t know what’s going on and don’t understand what needs to be done.
These types of bosses are frustrating because they just want things, big things. And when your boss lacks any understanding about what it takes, it’s hard to negotiate a do-able plan.
Here are some ideas about how to make your conversations with a big picture (clueless) boss go better.
Unreasonable demands from managers and coworkers are unfortunately common in many workplaces. While you want to be a team player overly demanding colleagues can cause anxiety, resentment and burnout. Learning how to professionally navigate unreasonable requests is an essential career skill.
With some thoughtfulness and tact, you can set healthy boundaries while still being a valuable employee. Follow this step-by-step guide to dealing with unreasonable expectations at work.
Review the Assignment
When you get an assignment that seems unreasonable, avoid rejecting it out of hand. Take a step back and thoroughly review what’s being asked of you.
Consider if any part of the request aligns with your actual job duties. Could components of the project help develop your skills or offer visibility with higher-ups? Understanding what’s being asked will help you determine where to draw the line.
Determine the Reason for the Order
Before pushing back, think about why this assignment is coming your way. There may be circumstances you’re unaware of.
For example, your manager may have an intimidating deadline from their own boss. The company might have a last-minute opportunity that requires an all-hands-on-deck approach.
If the demand is a response to external factors, can you temporarily increase your workload to help the team? Determine if the underlying reason warrants a little extra effort.
Process Your Feelings
Being handed an unreasonable assignment can stir up emotions like anger, anxiety, resentment, and disappointment. Don’t ignore those feelings – process them.
Venting to friends and loved ones can help. Look at the big picture: is this a one-time request or a pattern of behavior? If it’s ongoing, making a change to your workload and boundaries is appropriate.
Processing will help you respond rationally, not emotionally, to put your best foot forward.
Write Out Your Thoughts
Once you’ve gotten clarity around the assignment and your feelings about it, write out your thoughts. Putting your position down in writing ensures you can articulate it logically and calmly.
Make a list with bullet points:
- What you can reasonably accomplish
- Skills you lack to complete certain tasks
- Current workload and deadlines
- Additional help or resources you’d need
Having well-reasoned talking points will make you appear cooperative, not combative.
Acknowledge the Request
When you go to respond, start by demonstrating you have heard and recognized the request. Repeat details back to confirm you understand what’s expected.
Acknowledging shows you receive what’s being asked of you. This makes you seem willing to try and find solutions.
Set Your Boundary
Next, explain specifically what you can and cannot undertake. Say no by leading with what you can deliver before outlining your limits.
“I can have the presentation ready by Thursday and the press release drafted. However, compiling the financial reports by Tuesday isn’t feasible for me right now.”
Being direct avoids confusion down the line. Share your written talking points to reinforce your position.
Explain the Reason for Your Limits
Providing context on why you’re saying no further demonstrates reasonableness. Explain factors like:
- Obligations on current assignments
- Strengths that suit certain tasks better than others
- Areas you lack experience or training in
“I don’t have experience creating financial reports, which will make it hard to produce an accurate document by Tuesday.”
Offer Resolutions
The end goal is reaching an arrangement acceptable to both parties. Suggest solutions showing you’re committed to a successful outcome. Could someone lend you a hand? Is there a later deadline you could confidently meet?
“I’d be happy to learn how to compile these reports. If we extend the deadline by two weeks, I can schedule training and deliver a complete report.”
Being solutions-oriented emphasizes shared goals. You want to solve the problem, not just say no.
When to Take it to Your Manager
If an unreasonable request comes from a peer, the above steps should help reach a compromise. But what if the irrational demands come from your own manager?
First, go through the steps outlined to share your position. If your manager won’t budge, arrange a meeting with your HR representative. Looping in HR demonstrates the seriousness of your concerns.
In the meeting, explain how the demands exceed your abilities or job description and damage your ability to fulfill your actual responsibilities. Ask HR if they have any advice on discussing workload with your manager.
While HR acts to protect the company, unreasonable demands from a manager constitute a performance issue on their part. Frame it as wanting to be fully productive, but needing help setting practical expectations.
Handling Ongoing Unreasonable Requests
Hopefully, asserting your limits is a one-time occurrence. But if a colleague or manager persists in demanding the impossible, more serious action may be necessary.
If heavy workloads become the norm on your team, arrange a meeting with several coworkers and your manager. Present a united front that the expectations are untenable long-term.
As a last resort, you may need to escalate ongoing issues to HR or management. Explain how frequent unreasonable requests make it impossible to perform your core duties successfully. Ask for changes to evenly distribute work and instill more realistic expectations.
While quitting may seem like the only solution, explore all options before throwing in the towel. Leaving should be a last resort.
The Bottom Line
Trying to fulfill constant unreasonable demands leads to failure for everyone. For the good of your team, you need to set rational boundaries.
With professionalism and empathy, clearly communicate what is and isn’t possible for you. Maintain a solutions-focused and constructive attitude. Addressing the issue thoughtfully benefits your career as well as your organization.
Handling irrational demands at work requires finesse. But standing up for yourself while still being a team player will earn you respect. With practice, you can master the art of saying no while still saying yes to opportunity.
Manage the moment
When your boss says to you, “Make it so,” just say, “Will do.” That is what this type person needs to hear in the moment.
Resist the need to start explaining what it will take to make it happen.
That’s because if you say something like, “here are the things we need to consider to make that happen. We need to do this first, learn this, and fix this before we can complete that…” you may feel like you are going forward.
But, what your boss hears is you stalling, putting up roadblocks, or giving excuses about why you can’t do it.
Solution: Stop explaining. Give him the, “YES and GO” feedback in the moment.
Then, once you are off on your own you can study the situation, get input, break the task down into steps, start solving problems, etc.
Dealing with impossible requests
A colleague of mine describes this by saying his boss does not understand the gap between WANTING and HAVING.
It can be very stressful when your boss always seems to be setting you and your team up for failure by making impossible requests that sometimes make no sense.
“I need you to completely redesign the product to be cloud-interoperable with space ships, medical databases, and organic farming. You get no extra budget, you can’t delay anything else you are working on, and we need an initial demo in three weeks.”
As much as you want to say “Are you an idiot?” your best bet is still to manage the moment and say, “Let me get started.”
Then circle back with a few big picture options. (Always big picture.)
- Option 1 — A superficial, political, check-the-box. If there is some part of this request that makes sense, propose a small win – “Our next version of the product will contain the right foundation to connect with medical databases. In three weeks we can mock-up a user-interface for what the eventual product may look like.”
(I find a lot of times these unreasonable requests are political, shallow, and buzz-wordish in nature, and if you can offer a shallow, face-saving solution, that might be all you ever need to do.)
- Option 2 — A real plan, but free of detail. Here are the major [big picture] building blocks, costs, risks and timeline for a real project plan to accomplish this. This needs to fit on one page. Detail will never help you talk your big picture, high-level boss out of a bad idea.
How To Deal With Unrealistic Expectations At Work
What are unreasonable demands in the workplace?
Unreasonable demands are requests or assignments in the workplace that are far outside of your job description, require you to expend an excessive amount of effort or involve unrealistic expectations. Some examples of unreasonable demands in the workplace include: Demands can also be unreasonable based on the person making the request.
How do you deal with unreasonable requests from your boss?
Release Frustration First, Talk Later If your boss is making unreasonable requests, you need to have a conversation about it. But before that big conversation, it’s essential to release your heated, pent-up emotions, so that you’re even-keeled and ready for a calm, productive discussion.
How do you deal with unreasonable demands?
Be firm with your boundary about the unreasonable demand. Explain that you’re not comfortable or able to commit to that specific task. When setting this limit, consider including information about alternative tasks that are within your abilities and boundaries.
How do you deal with an unreasonable request?
Also, be curious. Ask open-ended questions about what’s really behind the request to shed light on what the other person really needs (versus what they think they need). Raise awareness. Often, part of the egregiousness of an unreasonable request is that the person making the request has no idea that what they are asking for is unreasonable.
