I’m sure when you read the title of this article, you probably thought to yourself something sounding like, “Pfft yeah right, not even possible” or “My heart would fall out of my butt if I did that.”
Aside from the unique phrasing of the latter quote, did I get close to the sentiment?
Not that you probably need any, but Buzzfeed can show you some staggering examples of unrealistic attitudes and demands from higher-ups in case you want to have your jaw drop even more so than you thought it could.
A lot of us are already really stressed at work (44% of workers globally feel stressed, a lot, says the 2022 Gallup report). And, naturally, facing unrealistic expectations at work can potentially trigger a whole smorgasbord of emotional health issues.
Stress, anxiety, imposter syndrome, and self-doubt are just a few things on the list. Then, at the top, theres “on-the-job stress” which doesn’t do any favors for your performance and productivity levels.
So, what can you realistically do to address unrealistic expectations that are placed on you at work? In this work climate, is that even possible? Yes, you can have these conversations. No, you can’t guarantee the outcome. But, you can assess if the expectations are indeed unrealistic, decide what you’re prepared to do about that, and how.
Only you can speak up for you. While it can be intimidating to speak to your manager about these unrealistic expectations, it has to be done. So, let’s take a look at where to start. It may be daunting, but its worth it.
Unrealistic expectations from managers and coworkers are unfortunately common in many workplaces While you want to be a team player and go above and beyond, constantly saying yes to unreasonable requests can quickly lead to frustration, burnout, and resentment
Handling unrealistic expectations requires honesty, tact, and learning how to advocate for yourself. With the right approach, you can reset others’ expectations while maintaining positive relationships.
Define What’s Realistic for You
The first step is to get very clear on what you can — and can’t — reasonably achieve. Making promises you can’t deliver on helps no one.
Take an honest look at your workload and skills. Consider:
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Your current projects and bandwidth. What’s already on your plate? Do you have the time and focus to take on more?
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Your abilities. Are you being asked to do things outside your expertise? Getting in over your head helps no one.
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Company norms. What do your colleagues at your level accomplish in a week? A month? Use that as a benchmark.
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Your well-being. Will taking this on mean working excessive hours, abandoning self-care, or neglecting your loved ones? None of that’s healthy or sustainable.
Run the numbers on what’s doable for you. That’s your starting point for resetting expectations.
Don’t Say Yes to Everything
When unrealistic requests come your way, avoid the knee-jerk reaction to say yes. Expressing instant agreement boxes you in.
Instead, buy time to consider by saying:
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“Let me think about that and get back to you.”
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“I need to look at my other deadlines. Can I let you know if I can take this on tomorrow?”
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“How critical is this due date? I want to make sure I can still meet my current commitments.”
This gives you space to reflect before committing. It also signals this may not be possible, which starts to reset expectations.
If the request is way out of scope, don’t hesitate to say so:
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“I don’t have experience with web development, so I don’t think I’d be the best person for that project.”
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“With my current workload, I wouldn’t be able to give this the time it needs by Thursday.”
Being willing to say no — kindly but firmly —prevents unmanageable commitments.
Be Honest with Yourself
When requests feel overwhelming, we often blame the requester for having unrealistic standards. But it’s important to own what’s in our control.
Ask yourself:
- Am I letting fear of disappointing others prevent me from setting boundaries?
- Could I have been more proactive about managing expectations?
- What lessons can I learn to improve how I communicate what I can deliver?
Taking responsibility helps you empower yourself instead of feeling like a victim of unreasonable demands. And it allows you to move forward.
Put Yourself in Your Manager’s Shoes
While some managers intentionally overload employees, most have good intent but don’t fully grasp your workload. So help them understand your reality.
Explain challenges like competing deadlines, stakeholders making last-minute requests, and having to juggle multiple projects at once. Provide details and empathy will follow.
Also share your process, like how you prioritize asks based on current workload and deadlines. The more context you offer, the more realistic their requests will become.
Ask for Assistance
Unreasonable expectations don’t mean you have to go it alone. If a request truly exceeds your bandwidth, ask for support:
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Suggest a more junior employee who could learn by helping you.
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Ask to outsource part of the work to a freelancer.
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Request dividing a project into phases so you can deliver it iteratively.
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Inquire if the deadline can be extended to allow more reasonable pacing.
Managers may not realize extra resources could help — so speak up! Framing it as a team effort makes it harder to refuse.
Request a Meeting with Your Manager
For ongoing issues with unrealistic expectations, schedule time with your manager to address it directly. A face-to-face conversation makes the challenges feel more tangible and urgent.
Pick your timing wisely. Avoid asking right as they’re racing to meet a deadline themselves. And don’t vent your frustration — make it a thoughtful discussion.
Have realistic solutions in mind. If you only present problems with no suggested fixes, you’ll leave the meeting deflated. Bring ideas like:
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Instituting biweekly check-ins to better align on priorities
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Creating a shared system to track deadlines and bandwidth
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Role clarity so requests align with your position
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Establishing ground rules around turnaround times for tasks
Focus the conversation on mutual problem-solving. “I’m feeling overwhelmed. But I know we both want me to do my best work. How can we make that possible?” Positioning it as working together to find an answer will increase their receptiveness.
Reset Expectations Upfront
Once you’ve addressed immediate issues, work proactively with your manager to prevent unrealistic demands going forward.
Define success. Make sure you share a common vision of what high-quality work looks like for your role. Otherwise, you may labor under mismatched standards.
Agree on communication norms. Botched hand-offs, vague instructions, and last-minute requests all lead to unreasonable expectations. Define how to share projects smoothly.
Clarify response times. If everything is needed ASAP, nothing gets the right priority. Agree on turnaround times so you can plan realistically.
Share your process. Explain how you plan out work and handle competing priorities. The more visibility leaders have into your process, the less likely they are to make faulty assumptions.
Check in regularly. Dedicate 5 minutes each week to review upcoming priorities and bandwidth. It’s a low-lift way to head off problems before they start.
Revisit when needed. Come back together if expectations creep out of alignment. Continually synchronizing leads to greater sustainability.
No matter how carefully expectations are set, the unexpected happens. When unrealistic requests do come your way, stay centered, set boundaries respectfully, and keep the end goal of doing your best work in sight. With time and skill, you can keep your workload under control.
IS IT YOU… OR IS IT YOUR BOSS?
Photo credit:Unsplash
If I lit a fire under your tush to go talk to your boss, great! But wait! Before you go off running to your boss to talk about this, start by asking yourself the following questions to see if the discussion is even warranted:
✓ Are there requests or assignments that are waaaaay outside your job description?
✓ Does your boss require you to spend excessive effort without providing adequate resources?
✓ Does your boss ask for extra reporting that never even gets read?
✓ Does a word of praise never come your way even when you accomplished a Herculean labor in an unreasonably short time?
If you checked one (or all) of those boxes, then it’s likely your boss is putting unrealistic expectations on you.
BUT it’s also important to ask yourself: are their expectations unrealistic or does their ask just feel too big. And if it’s the latter, why? In other words, is it YOU, or is it the GIG?
FIND OUT THE CAUSES
Before you start any finger pointing (and please don’t do that because it’s a behavior that rarely, if ever, gets anyone onside to your cause), we need to look at the different causes that may breed unrealistic expectations to begin with (and not just because your boss is potentially inconsiderate or dispassionate). Consider the following that might be happening:
- Being short-staffed
- Unexpected changes to project plans
- Your boss being pressure by their boss or other stakeholders
- Unpredictable third-party influences
- Economic or financial pressures on the company
- Shareholder pressure
There may be reasons you’re not aware of why the demands of your job may be changing (although if you’re not aware of these reasons there may be a larger issue around communication transparency that needs to be addressed too).
But the moral of the story here is that even if your boss has the best of intentions, even if they have things coming at them that are out of their control or influence that they can’t ‘shield’ you from.
How To Deal With Unrealistic Expectations At Work
What are examples of unrealistic expectations?
Here are a few examples of unrealistic expectations to help you better understand the types of situations that require intervention: Overly demanding workload: If your supervisor expects you to complete too many tasks within an unreasonable time frame, they may have unrealistic expectations of you and be overestimating your abilities.
Are You facing unrealistic expectations at work?
If you feel like you’re facing unrealistic expectations at work, try to practice setting boundaries and enforcing them with consistency.
How do I deal with unrealistic expectations in my job?
It’s important to communicate with your supervisor and offer feedback if you feel that you’re facing unrealistic expectations in your role. Consider meeting with your manager and vocalizing your perspective. They may understand why you feel this way and offer solutions for a more feasible workload. 5.
Should you work for a manager with unrealistic expectations?
Working for a manager with unrealistic expectations can feel like you’re being set up to fail. But there are a few approaches you can take to get the feedback and direction you need. If your manager sets too-lofty goals, create several plans of action and ask which is closest to what they have in mind. […]
