What is Gaslighting at Work? How to Recognize and Deal with Workplace Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation and abuse where the gaslighter manipulates their victim into questioning their own reality memory, or perceptions. While commonly associated with personal relationships, gaslighting also frequently occurs in workplace settings between coworkers, managers and their reports. Understanding what gaslighting looks like and how to address it is critical for maintaining your confidence and psychological safety at work.

What Exactly is Gaslighting at Work?

Gaslighting involves persistently making someone doubt their own experiences and perceptions through denial, misdirection contradiction and misinformation. The term comes from a 1944 film called Gaslight where a man tries to make his wife believe she is losing her mind.

At work, gaslighting usually involves repeatedly questioning or denying your work performance, work history, conversations, or perceptions in a way that leads you to question your own competence, memories and reality. For example, a manager insisting a deadline you clearly met was missed, a co-worker denying they borrowed an item from your desk, or persistently being told you are too sensitive each time you have concerns.

Signs of Gaslighting at Work

Gaslighting typically involves persistent, repeated patterns rather than isolated incidents. Watch for these common signs:

• Hearing frequent unwarranted negative feedback about your performance
• Having your experience, memory or perceptions repeatedly questioned or denied
• Hearing rumors or misinformation spread about you or your work
• Exclusion from meetings and activities needed for your role
• Belittling of your efforts, emotions or concerns
• Encouragement or praise one day, criticism and discipline the next

You may doubt yourself and start questioning whether incidents happened. Gaslighters often call targets overly sensitive, emotional and the like when concerns are raised.

Examples of Gaslighting at Work

Some common examples of workplace gaslighting include:

• A manager insists they never received a report you have proof you sent them
• A coworker denies borrowing your laptop charger from your desk
• Being told an off-color joke about your ethnicity is just a harmless joke
• A team lead says you can skip a status meeting, then disciplines you for missing it
• A colleague advocates for 30 minute lunches then takes 45 minutes themselves

Even small lies, misdirections and distortions can accumulation over time to make you doubt yourself and feel manipulated.

Dealing with a Gaslighter at Work

If you feel you are experiencing gaslighting, here are some tips:

• Document incidents – keep a detailed log of conversations, emails, incidents and rumors with dates and details. This creates a record you can refer back to.

• Talk to trusted colleagues – discreetly ask for feedback from trusted colleagues to validate your perceptions. Their impressions can confirm whether treatment is unusual.

• Practice self-care – remind yourself you are competent and try not to internalize treatment. Seek counseling if needed.

• Meet with the gaslighter – have a direct conversation about the impact of specific treatment. Focus just on facts without anger or accusations.

• Involve others – you may need to involve your manager or HR if incidents persist. Present your documentation and request assistance improving the situation.

The goal is to address the behavior directly, maintain confidence in yourself, and escalate if needed to involve others. You deserve fair and professional treatment at work.

Impact of Gaslighting on Mental Health

Being persistently second-guessed, blamed and manipulated by a workplace gaslighter can negatively impact mental health and performance. Self-doubt, anxiety and depression can result. Targets often feel isolated and powerless.

Organizations permitting abusive gaslighting risk decreased engagement, poorer performance and higher turnover from affected employees. Unchecked gaslighters also tend to expand abusive behaviors.

Coping with Workplace Gaslighting

If you are experiencing gaslighting, in addition to addressing it directly, use these self-care tips to rebuild confidence and resilience:

• Spend time with supporters – Lean on family, friends and trusted co-workers who validate you.

• Practice self-compassion – Remind yourself of your competence and do not accept blame for the gaslighter’s behavior.

• Identify career options – Look at lateral moves or new opportunities to escape the situation if it persists.

• Exercise and rest – Stay as mentally and physically healthy as you can despite the environment.

• Avoid isolation – Maintain workplace connections and communicate concerns to allies.

• Get professional support – Seek counseling or an employee assistance program to cope with self-doubt.

While gaslighting can be challenging, establishing boundaries and escalating concerns can help change a toxic dynamic or enable you to move on. With support and perseverance, you can regain confidence, perspective and psychological safety.

How Organizations Can Address Gaslighting

Here are some tips for organizations seeking to prevent or address potential gaslighting:

• Provide training to managers on appropriate communication, feedback methods and prohibitions on abusive conduct.

• Ensure harassment and equal opportunity policies expressly prohibit workplace gaslighting along with reporting procedures.

• Encourage reporting of concerning conduct and protect those making good faith reports from retaliation.

• Investigate and take corrective action if gaslighting complaints arise, including coaching, training or removing offenders as warranted.

• Survey employees regularly on workplace treatment and monitor whistleblower hotline usage trends.

• Promote multisource feedback and peer surveys to deter potential gaslighters.

With proactive policies, responsive action and cultural reinforcement, organizations can minimize workplace gaslighting and promote psychologically healthy environments.

Summary

Gaslighting is a serious form of psychological manipulation and abuse at work involving persistent questioning of one’s perception of reality. Being aware of common gaslighting techniques like lying, misdirecting, distorting and controlling can help identify potential gaslighting. Keep records, gain outside perspective and escalate concerns to protect your mental health and performance. With diligence and support, targets can overcome gaslighting’s destabilizing effects. Organizations must establish clear anti-gaslighting expectations, promote open communication and act decisively to incidents. Addressing gaslighting proactively and responsively promotes workforce resiliency, health and optimal performance.